


That's What (Anti)Heroes Do

by TheOtherOdinson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Gen, Godly Drama, Humor, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Thor Has Issues, Violence, possibly more than his brother at this point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherOdinson/pseuds/TheOtherOdinson
Summary: "I didn't die for this," says local trickster god.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 189
Kudos: 521





	1. Chapter 1

"Loki."

"Go away."

"You are summoned."

"I do not care."

The silence pressed down from overhead. Judgmental silence. As if Heimdall were capable of any other sort. Loki pried open one eye and peered up. "You're in my sun."

Heimdall gave the massive canopy overhead a pointed look. The look settled back upon the person who had been napping in the cool shade until he was rudely interrupted. A look that grew no less pointed.

"Fine!" Loki snapped. He hauled himself up from his custom made lounging chair. "But it is a sorry state of affairs that I cannot even find a moment's peace from that man even in Valhalla."

"You've been sitting upon this beach uninterrupted for a year."

"That's not the point." Damn Heimdall and his powers of observation. "Not the point at all!"

As Loki stomped off in as dramatic a huff as he was capable - which was quite a lot as he was very well practised - he heard Heimdall behind him, "You'll not be needing this chair then?"

*** * ***

Storming through the great golden halls of Valhalla, Loki arrived at the highest table in a mood. "All right, here I am. What do you want?"

Unfortunately for him and everyone else Odin was in no less of a mood. "Thor," Odin said, with the air of a man whose eye patch had been stolen off his face while he slept - not that Loki knew anything about that. "He has utterly abandoned his path and allowed the universe to fall to ruin. This cannot stand!"

Loki tried to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Tried and failed. Dragged off his quiet beach for this.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me!" Odin shouted.

"I didn't die for this," Loki said. "I had enough of being shouted at when I was alive."

"This situation is dire and must be addressed!"

"Dire in what fashion?"

Odin waved a hand to cast a seeing portal. Loki looked. And wished he hadn't.

"Most unfortunate," Volstagg spoke up from a nearby table where he was eating his way through a side of roasted boar. "Thor has not the frame to carry an extra pound or two. Not as I do."

"The beard's the worst of it," Fandral chimed in. "He cannot pull off such a look."

"He could simply braid it," Volstagg said. "It would look all right."

"No," Fandral said. Beside him Hogun pulled a face. Loki couldn't agree more.

"Thor has given way to despair at a time when the people need him," Odin said. "There are still greater battles ahead of him. How will he be able to meet them like this?"

"With a tankard in each hand?" Loki suggested.

Odin glared at him. Loki sighed. In a way it was comforting in its familiarity that his relationship with the Allfather turned out to be as predictable in death as it was in life. Loki suspected Odin was holding a grudge over the home of elders on Midgard.

"It was a vile place!" Odin yelled. "Unfit for beasts much less your own father!"

"Stop eavesdropping on my thoughts!" Loki yelled back. And they wondered why he preferred to keep his own company.

"Your father is still angry the mortals made him play something called shuffleboard one afternoon," Frigga spoke up from Odin's side. "You'd think he was called to war to hear him tell it."

"I would have preferred to be called to war," Odin said. "Even death would have been preferable. I increased my efforts to break free of your spellwork and was able to make my escape the next day. Six days in that wretched place was more than enough."

"Six days?" Loki sputtered. "You said it took you some time to break free of my spells."

"Your spellwork was perfectly adequate, but may I remind you that I am the _Allfather_."

"Then why didn't you come back to Asgard?"

"I did," Odin said. "I spoke to Heimdall that same day. He agreed to play along when you inevitably got it into your head to banish him. When you did, I restored him to Asgard the following day to keep an eye on things and returned to Midgard. Everything seemed to be well in hand. I thought I may as well enjoy the peace and quiet. As much as can be found on Midgard anyway."

Loki folded his arms accusingly across his chest. "Yet you say _Thor_ is neglecting his duty."

"I didn't call you here for a retelling of my faults."

"That would take an age," Frigga muttered as she took a sip of wine.

Odin shot her a look from the corner of his good eye, jaw working like he was thinking of responding before wisely thinking the better of it. He turned his attention back to Loki. "The problem is Thor and what you're going to do about it."

"Me?"

"Yes, Loki. You must go to your brother and set him back upon the path he was meant to walk."

Loki gaped. "How? In case it has escaped your notice I am dead."

*** * ***

There were worse things to experience than being spat out by Valhalla, Loki reflected, lying face-down in a grassy field. Of course, most of those things involved Thanos in some manner and were best not to dwell upon. Spitting dirt, Loki pushed himself upright to find he was surrounded. By horses. With wings.

"What are you're looking at?" he asked the horses, somewhat harshly given the beasts were supposed to live only in Asgard's legends. They blinked at him in reproach. Some turned to prance away, giving their wings a rude flap while the rest turned their attention back to the grass. One bold youngling gave Loki a nudge to get at the grass beneath him.

Loki rolled away from the beast and climbed slowly to his feet, adjusting to the feel of having a corporeal form once again. The grassy field Odin deposited him in stretched out across flatland with low rolling hills in the distance. The faint smell of the sea carried on the air overlapping with the smell of greenery and horses. And magic. Thick in the air and singing with its very presence. The magic of the Aesir was alive in this place.

The magic explained the presence of the winged horses. They were everywhere. Far outnumbering the shame-faced wingless horses Loki could see. Not likely to remain wingless for longer, he'd wager. Asgard never did anything by halves.

And this place was Asgard.

There were no town in sight and Loki needed a moment to get his bearings. A raven's caw caught his notice and he spied the bird casually winging a meandering path in the direction of the sea. One of the winged horses crashed into the raven and continued on its flight path unheeded while the raven plummeted and bounced off the ground.

Loki laughed. "No longer king of the skies, Munin? A pity."

The raven righted itself and shook out its feathers before giving Loki a dirty look. Munin took to the sky again, opening and flying though a portal that would return it to Odin and leaving Loki to navigate on his own. Because of course Odin gave the _raven_ control over its own portal.

"Humourless creature," Loki grumbled.

To the sea then. Loki eyed the nearest horse and turned on the shameless flattery. "A magnificent beast you are. What a striking sight you would make with a prince of the realm astride you."

The horse eyed him back with alarm and quickly took flight. The other horses also took to the air leaving Loki alone in the field with only the flightless horses, looking all the more downcast at being left behind on the ground. Even they began edging away from him.

"That story isn't true!" Loki yelled at them. Bloody Fandral and his drunken tall tales. Next time Loki saw him he would light his moustache on fire.

Loki sighed noisily and set off on foot.

*** * ***

It turned out _town_ was a generous term. Village more like. Quiet and nestled beside the sea. Without a single golden statue or gratuitous water feature in sight. It was all so...small. First Hela, then Thanos, then Thanos again. Here was what remained of Asgard, the mightiest of all the realms. The heart of its people. The seat of its king. Loki cast eyes over the few small homes nearby. None looked very kingly in design. There were pathways looping off in every direction, some stretching toward the docks, others winding up into the hills and out of sight.

He looked over the few people milling about, recognizing none.

"You there," Loki called to the nearest man.

The man glanced over. Seeing who spoke, the man dropped the barrel he was carrying and gasped. "You!"

"Yes, it's me. Where can I find Thor?"

The man continued to stare in open-mouthed astonishment.

"Never mind," Loki snapped and stomped off. He'd find some other idiot to ask.

The man's gaze followed him as he went. Another man passing by took note. "Magnir, are you well?" He looked at Loki's retreating back. "Who was that?"

"That," Magnir said with a thick voice while blinking back joyful tears, "was the greatest playwright Asgard has ever known. He lives!"

*** * ***

Loki found his way to the docks easily enough. Even more easily, Valkyrie found him.

"Look what death spat out," she greeted.

"Valhalla, actually," Loki said. "Where is Thor?"

"Nice to see you, too. I'm fine, thanks. New Asgard is faring as well as can be expected."

Loki waved a dismissive hand. "Delightful. Thor. Where?"

She punched him. Loki clutched at his nose. "What was that for?"

Valkyrie shrugged. "I don't know. Just an overwhelming urge when I see your face. Kinda missed it."

"I was dead!"

"And yet here's your punchable face returned. Fun, huh?"

He narrowed his eyes and considered turning her into something that could be caught up in the fishing nets piled behind her. She smiled in challenge. "Try it. I dare you."

Loki lifted his chin and - after first ensuring it wasn't bloody or broken - looked down his nose at her. "Greetings Valkyrie," he said with silky politeness. "How pleasing to see you yet live. It's most reassuring to know not Thanos nor your decaying liver is enough to fell you. Might I inquire as to the whereabouts of your king, my brother, the Mighty Thor?"

Her lips twisted together like she was resisting the urge to laugh. Or punch him again. It was hard to tell. She pointed a finger off Loki's left. "That path. All the way up."

He sent a sarcastic half-bow her way. "I thank you."

Loki was no more than a handful of steps away when she called out to him. "Hey, fair warning. Thor's changed."

He spun back around to face her, gesturing at himself. "Valhalla. Returned from the dead. Did you think Odin sent me back because he tired of the sight of me?" She opened her mouth to answer, but Loki held up a hand to cut her off. "Spare me whatever clever rejoinder you're attempting to conjure. I am aware Thor is...struggling."

Valkyrie gave him a dubious look. "That's one way of putting it. And you're Odin's solution?"

"It would appear so."

"Good luck with that."

"I don't need luck," Loki scoffed. "I need only a lifetime of knowledge and the fundamental truth of my brother."

Valkyrie raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Which is?"

"Surrender is not in his nature."

Loki set off with his head held high. Behind him he heard Valkyrie mutter, "I should never have given up drinking." He thought of many scathing, yet amusing, comments he could make in response but refrained. There was only one here truly worthy of receiving his best barbs.

*** * ***

It was all Loki could do to keep from cringing as he pushed open the door of the appalling shack in which Asgard's king resided. A handful of steps from the door brought him to a sitting area smaller than the wardrobe he once used to store his winter capes.

Korg noticed him first. "Hey man! We heard you were dead. Welcome back." Miek gave him a wave with one of his knife-hands.

"Thank you," Loki said. "Now get out."

"Sure," Korg said easily. He set aside a small device he had in hand and made for the door. Miek followed close behind. "Tell Thor we'll finish the game later."

"I will not."

"Okay."

Once alone Loki could not hold back a shudder of disgust. Lip curling, he took in the empty barrels of ale, the half-eaten plates of food, the clutter and general filth of the vile hole Thor called home. It was worse than Thor's rooms back in the palace of Asgard. At least there he had servants who cleaned up after him. An entire staff of them now that Loki thought of it.

There was the shuffle of footsteps nearby. "Korg, is it my turn yet?"

Loki turned. And there he was. Thor. The golden prince of the golden realm. Wearing a dirty bathrobe over dirtier long shorts he couldn't be bothered to pull up over his ample gut peeking out from beneath the moth bitten rag he was using as a shirt. Not to mention the shaggy, tangled hair and dishevelled beard. Odin's seeing-portal didn't do nearly enough to cushion the shock. He suspected the old man did it on purpose. Loki reeled.

But not as much as Thor did when he caught sight of him.

"Norns," Thor moaned, catching himself on the door frame before he fell on his ass. "Why must you torment me so?"

_Rather a rude greeting_ , Loki thought. "I missed you too," Loki said in his best withering tone. He'd made beings across the Nine cry with that tone. Beings including the one currently hanging onto a door frame.

Thor stared. And stared. And stared even more, going from well past polite and into creepy magical stalker staring before dropping his eyes and taking a deep pull from the tankard still clutched in his free hand.

Loki settled loosely curled fists on his hips and breathed out his best sigh of annoyance. It was quite good, if he said so himself. He learned it from Frigga. "Thor." He tapped his foot and waited.

Thor kept his eyes on the tankard now gripped in both hands, looking down into it as if it contained all the answers to the mysteries of the universe. Or at least a really good drama being played out off world.

"Thor."

Thor shook his shaggy head softly. "Tomorrow," he said, voice tight with emotion. "Tomorrow I will go see Valkyrie. Tell her she was right."

"What?"

"Yes, I will go," Thor continued as if Loki hadn't spoken. "And confess the drink has well and truly addled my mind. I hope she will not judge me too harshly."

"Oh, for..." Loki swept across the room, snatched the tankard out of Thor's hand and downed it. He dropped it on the ground when it was empty. "Another. Actually, no, on second thought, one was enough. That was hideous. Do they not know how to brew ale on this wretched planet?

"Honestly, Thor. Bad enough you've managed to pickle parts of your mind so well you cannot tell the difference between a dead man and one newly restored from the halls of Valhalla, did you have to do it with truly foul drink? Small wonder Odin didn't send me back sooner if this is what you've been reduced to consuming."

Thor's eyes crept slowly up from his empty hands to Loki's face. Back to the overlong stalker staring. Loki raised his eyebrows. The staring tilted over into wet-eyed-about-to-cry staring. Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. But only just. He threw a punch instead.

"Ow!" Thor fell back a step, clutching at his nose.

Loki waited. Thor would catch up. He always did.

"Loki?"

Always.

Loki smiled. "Hello, brother."

"You're truly here?"

"Obviously."

"Oh." Thor punched him back.

"Ow!"

"You little - !"

Before Loki could check for the second time that day for damage done to his perfect nose, he was seized by the hair and manhandled into a headlock.

"I though you were dead! Again!" Thor yelled. "And here you are alive. Again!"

"Are you complaining?" Loki gasped, trying to wriggle free.

"No! Yes! No! I don't know!"

"Well, make up your mind. And release me!"

"No!"

"Thor!"

Loki jabbed Thor in the ribs with his knuckles before pinching him. With nails. But Thor kept his head trapped in his enormous ham hock of an arm. Loki pinched again. Thor yanked his hair. Loki kicked and squirmed. Thor flicked at Loki's ear with his free hand. Loki stomped on his foot. Thor smacked him on top of the head. They battled it out, crashing about the small room, knocking into things and stepping in things that squished and crunched underfoot. Loki resolved to burn his boots as soon as he was free. Along with Thor's entire wardrobe if every piece was as disgusting as the ones he was currently in far too close proximity.

They bounced off a wall and careened into the couch. Loki found himself face-down on the cushions, one leg touching the floor. He tried to find leverage to push himself free of the stained and smelly couch when Thor abruptly released him.

And sat on him.

"Get off!" Loki gasped.

"Don't think I will," Thor replied. He wriggled his ass to settle in on Loki's back and leaned across his prone form to prop an arm on the back of Loki's head.

"I will hurt you," Loki said. He felt like he was being crushed by an ancestral statue. Or worse - Volstagg.

"Of course you will," Thor said, unconcerned. He settled more of his weight across Loki's body. "I wonder if there's anything interesting on the television. Do you want to watch television with me, little brother? Or do you need to run off and get yourself foolishly killed again?"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"You did the first time you let me think you were dead."

"That was only one time!"

"Or the second time when you just stood there and let that abomination impale you."

"I impaled him first. I wasn't expecting him to survive it. It wasn't my fault!"

"Or the last time - and my personal favourite - when you tried to kill Thanos with a dagger _after_ you armed him with another Infinity Stone."

"At least I was aiming at a place that would kill him."

Thor shifted his weight, pressing the air out of Loki's body in a breathy wheeze.

"I can't breathe," Loki whined.

"Yet you're complaining all the same."

"Get. Off. Me."

"Or what?"

Loki shifted into a snake form and slithered free of Thor's bulk, but not before delivering a final insult.

"Ow!"

"You really should know better by now, Thor," Loki said, shifting back and rolling to his feet in one graceful motion. "Either I've been away too long or you truly have drunk yourself beyond reason."

"You _bit_ me," Thor yelped, staggering to his feet with one hand clutching his wounded rear.

"Very good. You are still capable of some level of observation. I can work with that."

"Work with what?"

"You, you idiot! Thor Odinson. King of Asgard," Loki said with a suitably dramatic air. "There are battles ahead, trials to face, and some other things I suppose. I have returned from the perils of death itself to help you be ready to face them."

Thor looked suspicious. "You said you were in Valhalla."

"Well, yes. Terrible place. Very dull. Don't recommend it."

Thor's face sobered. "Did you see Mother?"

"Yes, of course. She sends her love."

Thor smiled, eyes filling with tears. Loki stared. "Are you crying?"

The tears spilled over. "No," Thor sobbed. "Yes."

Loki gaped and Thor cried, throwing his whole self into it as he did everything. Chest heaving. Shoulders quivering. Breath gasping. Fat tears streamed down his cheeks, soaking his vole's nest of a beard.

Loki laid a cautious hand on Thor's arm, patting awkwardly. "There, there." His attempt at comfort proved to be a mistake as Thor let out an agonized howl.

It was a wretched noise. Something like a dragon upon waking to find his hoard stolen out from under him. Or the sound Thor himself made long ago upon seeing Loki shot through with enchanted arrows after the pair of them ran afoul of some townsfolk on a distant world. It was the same world as the dragon whose hoard Loki stole, come to think of it. Maybe that was the reason the locals were so angry. He'd always assumed Thor did something to enrage them before Loki happened along and then he was too busy bleeding profusely to spare it much thought.

Loki snatched his hand back. Thor came too.

"Oof!" The air was squeezed out of him by a clutching God of Thunder who wrapped himself around Loki like a giant, unwashed squid. Head down on Loki's shoulder, Thor sobbed and sniffled and heaved despair all over him. Along with streams of tears and snot. Delightful. Loki should have thought better of returning to the living wearing his best leathers.

"I'm so happy," Thor wailed, voice landing in a higher range than his usual. Possible due to the buildup of phlegm.

"I'm - glad?"

Thor cried on. Loki pondered if perhaps Valhalla hadn't been so bad after all. He had been catching up on his reading. And he enjoyed visiting with Mother. But, as much as it truly pained him to admit, Odin was right.

"Half the universe. Half!" Odin had shouted, voice echoing through the halls of Valhalla. Loki was surprised the living couldn't hear him. After explaining his plan to send Loki back to the living to help Thor, he suddenly started ranting about Thanos and no one could get him to stop.

"Yes," Loki sighed. "I know."

"The realms of the dead are overrun," Odin continued as if Loki hadn't spoken. He was used to it. "None of us can tolerate this kind of overcrowding any longer. They have to be sent back where they came from. You will find Thor, set him to rights, and sort out this mess at once."

"How? Thanos is dead and the Infinity Stones no more. Have you considered instead expanding the realms of the dead?"

"We've more than doubled the capacity. But the lesser beings won't stop killing themselves or each other in ever greater numbers. Once Thanos's disruption is repaired they'll go back to dying in more acceptable numbers."

"Like the rates they died when you and Hela were rampaging across all the known worlds?" Loki asked innocently. Frigga's snort in her wine goblet sounded suspiciously like laughter. Odin picked up a nearby tankard, staring Loki down while he did so. For a breathless moment, Loki was sure Odin was going to throw it at him.

"You still haven't said why I have to go," Loki hurriedly change the topic. He waved a hand in the direction of Thor's friends. "Why not send one of them?"

"Aye, I could go," Fandral offered. "Where is Thor anyway? Alfheim? Vanaheim? I haven't been to Nidevillir in an age."

"Midgard," Odin said, setting the tankard back down.

"Oh," Fandral deflated. "Never mind." He leaned over to whisper at Hogun, "Trying to conquer that shithole of a planet was the only good idea Loki ever had."

"Be silent," Odin snapped at the same time Loki said, "I can hear you."

"True," Hogun said, ignoring both king and prince. Odin and Loki glared at them.

"None of this would have ever happened if you had told me about Thanos in the first place," Odin turned his ire back to Loki.

"You didn't ask!" Loki shouted.

"I shouldn't have had to ask!" Odin shouted back. "I am your father and your king. You should have spoken up the moment you returned to Asgard."

"Of course," Loki drawled, keeping his tone pleasant. "I should have given a full reporting of my Thanos experience while being dragged before the throne in chains. Or maybe I should have waited until I was being dragged back out while still in chains! Or maybe when I was being led to the dungeons. In chains! Pray tell, Father dearest, when would have been the best time to inform you about the time I met a madman who plotted to gather all six of the Infinity Stones to bring about a culling of all the known universe?"

"Ah!" Odin slammed a hand down on the table. "Sarcasm. Sarcasm and a smart mouth. That's all I ever get from you nowadays. To think - you used to be such a polite, well-mannered boy."

Volstagg inhaled a mouthful of food and started choking. His face went purple. Hogun slapped him on the back a few times with enough force to shove the table forward a foot. Other diners hurried to grab their drinks before they spilled and Hogun was roundly cursed for every spilled drop. Eventually the stuck food dislodged and Volstagg resumed breathing.

"I don't know where I went wrong," Odin continued, ignoring the near (re)death happening at the next table.

"I do," Frigga said mildly.

Odin tapped his fingers on the tabletop, clearly swallowing back words not worth his (un)life if he said them aloud.

"Even if I had told you about Thanos, would you have believed me?" Loki asked. "Or believed he stood a chance of succeeding?"

Odin pressed his lips together, stubbornly refusing to respond. Not that it mattered. Everyone who ever met Odin - alive or dead - knew the answer. Loki could've left it there, but he was never good at resisting the temptation to press his luck. "I think it perfectly obvious who the real person is to blame for Thanos's success - you!"

Odin's lone eye narrowed dangerously.

_Always a step too far_ , Loki thought. And that's why he was now standing in a smelly hovel on a smelly planet being snotted on by his big brother. Who was equally smelly.

Unwilling to make any further attempts at comfort Loki grimly waited out Thor's blubbering. After a minute or so, he could stand it no longer.

"Enough," Loki said, extricating himself from Thor's arms. "That's more than enough tears shed on this - happy occasion, brother dear."

Thor snorted back some snot and nodded his appallingly shaggy head. "Yes," he sniffled again, "we should be celebrating. A feast! We should have one. We'll invite all of Asgard. All that's left anyway. There's not many. But I'm sure those remaining would rejoice in seeing you. As I have." Thor's chin wobbled and he scrubbed at his eyes.

_Oh good._ _More tears._ Loki plastered on a smile. "Wonderful plan. But perhaps another day. Coming back from the dead, you know. Quite exhausting. A quiet supper instead, just the two of us. If you're agreeable."

"Yes," Thor's smile was watery, but bright in its sincerity. "A fine plan."

"Good. I'm famished," Loki lied. "Let's eat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eternal gratitude to [Lise](https://veliseraptor.tumblr.com/) for wondering if New Asgard had flying horse farms.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mmm, I'm completely full," Loki lied again. "Couldn't stand another bite." That was the truth. Not even on threat of being sent back to Valhalla to be lectured by Odin for all eternity would he consume another morsel of what Thor offered up as "food."

A round frozen disk heated in the oven until bubbling. Piles of frozen meats likewise heated until some some mystifying colour and in no way resembled the _fingers_ or _wings_ of any creature Loki could name. Bags of flat and overly salted crunchy things. Hand-held pastries that contained some unidentifiable goo and no apples whatsoever despite Thor's claim otherwise. Loki was baffled as to how in the name of any god cheese could be fried? Or a stick? Or require some disgusting red sauce for dipping? And the less said of the blanketed pigs, the better.

Apparently in lieu of any Asgardian chefs surviving Hela and/or Thanos, Thor had taken to eating the worst food on the planet. Possibly in the universe. Loki was not at all surprised this rubbish was found on Midgard. No wonder mortals were so short-lived. Loki had eaten better while a guest of Thanos - albeit a guest not permitted to leave the "hospitality" of his host. And Loki had tried. Many times. The Mad Titan may have obsessed over killing half of all life, but apparently that was no excuse for serving poor fare. Even he had standards.

The reminder of Thanos gave Loki pause. The food was vile. The drink worse than vile. What if it was deliberate? What if some wretched villain was behind the foul poison stuffed in every possible corner of Thor's home. Thor was not without enemies who would delight in seeing him brought low. Loki watched Thor wipe his mouth on his disgusting sleeve. And Thor had never been lower.

Loki felt the burning of outrage building in his chest. It was outrage or heartburn. Regardless, how dare anyone inflict torment on Thor. That was Loki's domain and his alone.

What if it wasn't just Thor? What if the mortals were attempting to maim the entirety of the settlement? Loki shuddered to think of the last of the Asgardian people being subjected to such treatment. He had a mind to cast a sleeping spell over the entire settlement and sneak through every single home to rid them of such atrocities. Then he would hunt down the mortals responsible and kill them.

Loki frowned and eyed Thor. Taking in his messy beard and hair. Dirty clothes. Excess weight. None of the others looked as Thor did. Thor never was one to fuss over his appearance. For while he often remarked - oh so annoyingly often - that Loki groomed enough for the both of them, Thor did keep himself presentable. Even on the Statesman with its limited facilities, Thor never left his quarters in the morning without washing up and ensuring his hair and beard were neatly groomed. But five years on with Asgard re-settled and Thor facing the responsibilities of king at long last, here he was. Fat and unkempt and as far from any version of his golden brother Loki had known.

But he had seen Valkyrie as well as a few others while walking through the settlement. They looked well enough. Out of place upon this mortal world - yes. Looking in need of divine intervention courtesy of Loki (and Odin, he grudgingly allowed) - no. Perhaps more investigation was required. If Loki started killing mortals without sufficient proof of villainy the other mortals would likely take offence. They were appallingly tiresome about such things.

"Loki?"

Loki blinked. Thor was giving him an anxious look. Loki wondered what he missed.

"Sorry - what?"

"I asked what you wanted to do now? We can watch a movie. The mortals sometimes create great sagas. There's some I think you would like."

Loki perked up. If there was one area in which the mortals almost achieved the greatness of their betters it was in their sagas. He had read a great many of them. Of course, the mortals cheated by inventing the stories rather than recording the greatest deeds done by the notable figures in their history. Loki supposed this was because they didn't have any notable figures thus were forced to invent some.

He remembered reading an interesting tale whilst still living in Asgard featuring a powerful wizard of great renown. Loki had been so excited to read of the wizard's exploits, it didn't occur to him to wonder why he'd never heard of him. He was very put out when he later learned Middle Earth was not actually a region upon Midgard in which elves and dwarves had colonized without Asgard noticing. The place and its people were entirely false and the great wizard was a work of imagination supposedly based on Odin, no less. Which only went to show the storyteller had never met him.

Loki looked around the eating area. It was a mess. No, a mess was Thor's chambers on Asgard before the servants came in to clean. This was more like the time Fandral, Thor, and Sif tried to smuggle direwolf pups as big as they were through the palace only to lose control of them. The beasts scented food and dashed off straight into a feasting hall where Odin and his council were hosting a sizeable delegation of elves. For years that particular hall carried a faint whiff of wet-wolf-rolling-through-food-and-elves and idiot-overgrown-children-rolling-after-them about it.

"Fine," Loki said, resolving to deal with the mess later. Magic had a wide variety of uses. Loki learned that lesson nine centuries ago watching dozens of mages, sorcerers, and witches from across five realms trying to restore the feasting hall to rights before Odin gave up and built a new one.

As much as it pained Loki to admit, Odin had the right of it. Best to simply raze this place to the ground and build anew. Just as soon as Thor wasn't looking. Like Odin did waiting for Frigga to go abroad to visit her kin before he destroyed the portion of the palace containing the tainted feasting hall. That it turned out to be a section bearing the weight of many of the upper levels - including the Queen's favourite sitting room - wasn't relevant. Loki also learned back then just how fast the Allfather could cast magic upon a structure to keep half of it from collapsing. Not in time to save the Queen's sitting room mind you, but quick enough to keep the son who had been napping in it at the time from a terrible fall.

But not able to repeat the feat many years later. Not that Loki was bitter.

Except he was.

"You didn't even try!" Loki had yelled at Odin one night in Valhalla upon being summoned yet again for some trivial matter. "A simple wave of your hand and I would've been back on the Bifrost before I knew what was happening. You banished Thor with less effort."

"Loki," Odin had the nerve to sound pained. "For the last time, will you sit down and eat the supper your mother has prepared." From the looks Frigga was shooting him, Loki suspected the Allfather had neglected to give her a full accounting of Loki's fall from the Bifrost. Much like he had of the destruction of her favourite sitting room. At least until Loki told her. He never liked having his naps interrupted.

Both times saw Odin sleeping in the stable with Sleipnir.

Thor brightened and led the way back out to what was presumably his favourite sitting room. He awkwardly cleared away some clutter to give Loki a place to sit before scooping up a small hand device and aiming it at a blank screen across the room. The screen sprang to life. Thor pushed some buttons and began scrolling through a variety of menus.

"Is this the television you mentioned before?"

"Yes," Thor said. "The mortals use them as a portal to access their many forms of entertainment. Asgard had something similar long ago."

"I know." Loki cast a quick cleaning spell over the chair Thor cleared before dropping into it. "I remember them from our studies on ancient technologies."

"They're fun in their own way," Thor said eagerly. "I have Lord of Rings or Game of Thrones. Both tales based on popular Midgardian works. Be warned, these are not histories. It turns out the mortals simply invent their stories. I did not know this when I first watched them. It was very confusing."

"I can imagine."

"Which do you want to watch first?"

"Lord of the Rings," Loki said firmly. "I've not finished the other books as of yet. I'd only begun reading the series before I was sent here. I don't wish to ruin the ending."

"All right. I'll put on the extended editions."

"Extended?"

"The versions where the parts cut out are added back in."

"Why cut out any parts of a story?"

Thor shrugged. "Some mortals don't like movies that are too long. I think it's to do with their limited life span."

"Oh. That makes sense."

*** * ***

"Does Gandalf remind you of anyone?"

"No."

"Truly? I find him familiar for some reason."

"Shut up, Thor."

*** * ***

"Well," Thor asked hours later when the ending credits rolled on the final movie. "What did you think?"

Loki stretched his arms over his head. "It was enjoyable. Not as good as the books."

"Many of my friends have said the same."

"It was shorter than I was expecting. I thought these were meant to be the long versions?"

"They are," Thor said. "I once tried to explain to my friends these would be considered a short performance on Asgard, but I'm not sure they believed me."

"Mortals are stupid, Thor. You should know that by now."

"They are not."

"They are."

"Only some of them," Thor defended weakly.

"Most."

"They can be clever. Look at Tony Stark."

Loki smirked. "Ah, yes. The one who stood gaping like a stunned fish while I threw him out of a window."

"That wasn't very nice."

"If he didn't want me to throw him from his ugly building then he should have cleverly run away."

"And they are generous of spirit," Thor forged on. "Look at all the mortals have given us since we arrived here." He gestured at his decrepit shack. Loki shot him a skeptical look. Thor ignored the challenge and scooped up his control device. "What next? Do you want to watch something else? Are you hungry?"

"Ugh."

"What?"

"I mean - no. Still full." He wasn't. He was imagining what one of those winged horses would taste like roasted over an open flame. Even one of the wingless horses would do. He wasn't picky.

"Are you tired? Do you want to sleep?"

"Thor, I was dead. Of course I don't want to sleep."

"Yes," Thor nodded his head jerkily. "You were. But you're not now. No, you're here. Right here with me. Where you should've been all along. If it weren't for Tha - that, that _creature_. What he did...I should have killed him twice. I should've have killed him slower. Made it last, made him suffer. As he made others suffer. Made me suffer." Thor's eyes filled anew with fresh tears, his voice turning choked and savage in equal measure. The little device in his shaking hand was crushed to pieces. Lightning danced along Thor's fingers.

Loki's eyes widened in alarm. He hastily got to his feet. Just in case the house went up in flames. Which would at least save him from having to do it. "Not sleep. But something else to pass the time. Music? Do you have a flute? Or we could play a game perhaps?"

Thor blinked slowly. Once. Twice. "A game?"

"Why not?"

"What kind of game?"

"I don't know. What manner of game is popular here now? Remember when we visited centuries ago and the children played the amusing game of dancing and singing before falling to the ground and pretending to be dead of a plague?"

"I don't think they do that anymore," Thor said. The lightning dissipated.

"Pity."

"But I have games." Thor looked at his hand, noticing the remains of the television device. He laughed weakly. "That keeps happening. I forget the mortal devices are not made for me."

"I seem to remember many an Asgardian device suffering a similar fate," Loki said.

The next laugh was stronger. "Right you are. Luckily, I keep spares."

*** * ***

"I still don't understand why a storm capable of killing off most of the mortals isn't viewed with greater suspicion. It's clearly some kind of Kree plot. Why else would it have left behind all these draugr?"

"They're not draugr, they're zombies."

"What's the difference?"

"Zombies are mindless."

"If they're mindless then why do they keep attacking my settlement?"

"I don't know, Loki. Just play the game."

"This game is stupid!" Loki threw down his controller. "How can I mount a proper defence if I don't know why I'm being attacked or who's behind it?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter."

"No, it doesn't!"

"Yes, it does!"

"Ah, 'scuse me."

Thor quickly shut off the game and he and Loki stood. "My friends, welcome." His greeting sounded forced.

"We knocked," Banner said apologetically. "But I guess you didn't hear us."

Loki stared. "What happened to you?"

"I think that's supposed to be my question," Banner said. "Thor said you were dead."

"I was."

"Oh." Banner glanced back and forth between the brothers. "That...sucks."

Loki smiled. "Quite."

"Good to see you, Loki."

"Thank you, Bruce. Wish I could say the same. What have you done to yourself?"

"You don't like the new look?"

"I cannot imagine anyone does."

"Wow, that's rude," Banner said. "Even for you."

"Wait, that's Loki?" a small, furred animal spoke up from Banner's side. "Back from the dead?"

"Yeah," Banner said. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised. He kinda makes a habit of it, doesn't he, Thor?"

Thor said nothing. His eyes darting around, looking at each one of them in turn before fixing on a point on the floor, the wall, his own hand.

"Hey, Thor?" the animal asked. "You okay?"

Thor started like he'd forgotten anyone else was there. His gaze settled on the animal, then Loki, then fixed on a a point past Banner's head.

"Thor?" Loki asked. "What is it?"

Thor looked longingly at him. "You see him, too?" he whispered.

Loki blinked, baffled. "What?"

Thor turned to Banner. "You see him."

Banner looked no less baffled. "Yeah," he said slowly.

"What's wrong, Thor?" the animal asked. "Didya think you were hallucinating or something?" The animal turned his head to speak to Banner, pitching his voice slightly lower as if neither Thor nor Loki could hear him from ten feet away. "Hallucinating your dead loved one, sure. I can see that. But why hallucinate him to look like such a greaseball?"

"I'm standing right here," Loki said, glaring at the little beast.

"Oh. Sorry." The animal didn't sound slightly sorry. "He has good hearing," he said to Banner.

"I am Asgardian," Loki snapped.

The animal shrugged. "So? That supposed to mean something?"

"Yes!"

"If you say so. Hey, what's it like being dead? Did you see a white light? Is there an afterlife. I don't really believe in that stuff, but then people don't make a habit of coming back from the dead in my book either so what do I know? You think you can bring anyone else back from the dead?"

"Rocket," Banner sounded pained.

"What? If he can, it'd be a big time saver. We wouldn't need to do the other thing."

Banner made a face clearly regretting being there. Loki sympathized. "Look, we came because we needed to talk to you, Thor. We didn't know Loki was, uh, back. I'm glad he is, for your sake," he hastened to say. "But this probably isn't a good time."

"Another time, perhaps," Loki said with forced politeness.

"Sure, sure. Call us. Or don't. We can come back. Or not. Whatever." The animal was already half out the door.

Banner was close behind him. "We do need to talk. Soon. It's important. We're staying at the compound in New York."

Thor's eyes were cast down at the carpet. He nodded without looking up. "I'll be in touch."

"Great. Good seeing you. And you, Loki."

Loki waited for the door to shut behind Banner before turning on Thor. "You thought I wasn't real? Didn't we already do this?"

Thor pulled his eyes up to Loki's face. The tears were back. "You don't know what's like - to want something so much. To hope each night when you sleep you'll awake the next morn and have it all be different. Only when I sleep, my dreams are nightmares. I've seen your death so many times over. Each time I always believe I can change it. But I never can." Thor sniffled hard and swiped at his nose with his sleeve. The same sleeve he'd wiped his mouth on after eating. "I thought if this is some strange new dream, then I welcome it and hope I never wake."

Loki sighed. "Thor, you are not dreaming."

"I know. Now. Though you must admit, that would be just what a dream would say."

"True." Loki punched him.

"Ow!" Thor clutched his face. "You hit me!"

"Well, you seemed to have forgotten the last time I did it. I thought a reminder was needed." Loki hit him again. He was gearing up for a third hit when Thor tackled him.

They rolled around on the floor punching, scratching, and snarling. Loki grabbed at Thor's beard and gave it a hard yank. Thor howled and returned the favour with a handful of Loki's hair. Loki yelped and elbowed Thor in the gut. Thor tried putting Loki in another headlock, but Loki squirmed free and sank his teeth in Thor's arm. Thor bellowed. He pried Loki off by the scruff of his neck and shook him like a dog with a rat. Thor scrambled to his feet, hauling Loki up with him by the neck.

"Why do you keep biting me!" Thor yelled, giving Loki another good shake.

Loki contorted his arms to grab at Thor's arm, trying to pull himself free. "Would you rather I stab you?"

"No!"

"Well, then." Loki kicked out, catching Thor hard in the knee. Thor toppled like a felled tree, dragging Loki back to the floor with him. They rolled around some more, kicking and swearing. A shock of icy cold rained down on them. They sputtered and rolled away from each other in unison to face the new threat.

Valkyrie stood over them with a large, empty pail. "Glad that's settled," she tucked the pail in the crook of her arm. "Or should I get more water?"

Loki climbed to his feet with all the dignity he could muster while soaking wet. "I think that's sufficient."

"Grand," she drawled. She glanced at Thor. "Everything all right?"

"Of course, everything's all right," Thor said, standing more slowly. His nose was a bit crooked and bleeding sluggishly. "Why wouldn't it be all right? Loki's returned to me."

"You said it," she said.

"Everything's fine," Thor gave her a tight smile.

"Very convincing. I saw Banner and the weasel - what's his name? Roach?"

"Rocket. He's a rabbit."

"Is that what that was?" Loki said. "I thought he was some strange breed of Midgardian dog."

"Don't be silly, Loki. Midgardian dogs can't talk." Thor spoke with his usual annoying degree of confidence. Loki rather missed it. Not that he would ever admit it. "Rocket's a rabbit," Thor continued. "Not from here, I don't think."

"So what's the deal?" Valkyrie wanted to know. "First this one's back from the dead."

"I have a name."

Valkyrie ignored him. "Then the big guy shows up and I don't even want to know what's going on there. World's not ending again, is it? Because I have a strict two world-ending-events-per-lifetime rule. I'm not doing a third one."

"He didn't say," Thor told her.

"He didn't have a chance," Loki retorted. "Thor was too busy acting a madman."

"Was not."

"You thought you imagined me. Twice. In the same day!"

"It's your own fault," Thor said sharply. "If you didn't keep leaving me behind I wouldn't have to imagine your return."

"I died!"

"Exactly!"

"Wow," Valkyrie said. "I'd say it's nice to see this bullshit again, but I'd be lying. At least I'm not stuck on a ship with the two of you this time."

"Feel free to leave," Loki said snidely.

"Don't mind if I do." Valkyrie spun on her heel and marched to the door. "Try not to kill each other. We've lost enough people." She slammed the door behind her.

"She's right, you know. We've lost too much." Thor's chin wobbled.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Thor, I swear, if you cry at me one more time I will turn you into a fish and throw you into the sea." He looked pointedly at Thor's gut. "Or perhaps a whale would be more apt."

Thor smiled warmly. "It's good to see you, Loki."

Loki gave him a patronizing once-over. "I wish I could say the same."

Thor laughed. "Obnoxious little shit."

"Fat slovenly buffoon."

Thor patted at his hair as if it would perform a miracle. "I suppose I've let myself go a bit."

"A bit."

"I would look better if you hadn't just broken my nose."

"You deserved it."

"I did not."

"I suppose not," Loki admitted. "But I've been wanting to break your nose for years."

Thor's face underwent a riot of feelings. Baffled, then hurt, back to baffled, before settling insultingly on understanding. "Do you feel better?"

"Not really."

Thor cleared his throat, shuffling awkwardly. "So. What now?"

"First I fix your nose since I'm the one who has to look at you. And then - " Loki smiled his best you-can-trust-me-I'm-your-beloved-brother smile. Thor looked immediately suspicious. Loki couldn't muster up the outrage to be offended. "I may have an idea or two."

*** * ***

Thor's house burned beautifully.

Flames licked up at the starry sky. Smoke lifted up in elegant plumes of greys. All well contained by magic to keep the fire from spreading and the smoke from sticking in anyone's throat. It was truly magnificent. As Loki told the assembled crowd.

"Behold! Soon there will be naught but ashes of the trappings which have long held your king low. He will arise from these ashes anew - the warrior king Asgard has yearned for all these difficult years."

The gathered Asgardians and former gladiators stared at him. Speechless, no doubt. One teary-eyed fellow burst into applause. Loki smiled benevolently, spreading his arms wide as he stood before the raging fire, awaiting more adulation.

He didn't get it.

Valkyrie strolled up beside him. "Thor better not be in there," she muttered. "Or you'll be joining him."

"Don't be ridiculous. I sent Thor to London to purchase a few things. I could hardly burn down his little shack with him present."

"What was I thinking?"

"I assume you don't."

She shot him a nasty look. "Why London - you know what? Never mind." She clapped her hands together sharply. "Alright people, you've seen one fire, you've seen them all. Everybody go home. Don't worry, I won't let the Mad Prince over here burn down anyone else's house tonight."

"How dare you!"

She ignored him. "Off you go. Questions, complaints, restraining orders will have to wait until morning."

"What's a restraining order?" Korg called out.

"Something I wish I'd heard about a lot sooner," Valkyrie said. "Would've been useful back on Sakaar against two royal pains in my - " One little girl standing near the front of the crowd bounced on her toes and waved her hand in the air. Valkyrie cut herself off and gave the girl a tight smile. "What is it, sweetie?"

The girl pointed at Loki. "Lady Valkyrie, didn't he die?"

Loki beamed at the girl. "Indeed I did, child. But when my dearest brother lost his way it was clear I must battle my way free from the halls of death - by tooth and claw, blood and a savage spirit - to lead him once more to his righteous path. And pity all those who oppose this noblest of tasks for no mercy shall they find at my hand." A loud _crack_ echoed through the night as sparks and flames shot higher into the sky.

The little girl started to cry.

Valkyrie glared at him. "Can't you stick to making grown-ups cry?"

Loki was put out. "When I was a child such a speech would have been cheered and a mock battle amongst my playmates commenced immediately." That his playmates as a child consisted mainly of Thor who was the one cheering and commencing a battle he always won went unsaid.

Valkyrie stalked off without a word. She reached the little girl, giving her a gentle pat on the head with one hand while the waving the other hand with aggrieved menace to encourage the crowd to disperse. They went. The adults accompanying the child scooped her up and carried her off. Soon Loki was standing alone with the burning wreckage of Thor's life upon Midgard.

The sudden downpour was not unexpected.

Loki did his best to keep Thor busy and out of his way for as long as possible. He sent him off with a Midgardian communication device and used it to contact Thor no less than five times to add items to his shopping list. He even allowed Thor to reach his initial destination of Oslo before insisting he go to London instead. But alas, Thor had always carried the curse of being an efficient shopper. Loki was the one who lingered in markets.

Yet when Thor set down nearby with a wobble and reeking more of a brewery than he had when he departed, Loki was impressed with the speed in which he must have raced through shops in order to achieve this degree of drunkenness before returning.

"Do you mind?" Loki gestured vaguely over his own head.

"Oh. Sorry." The rain ceased over Loki, but kept up a steady fall over the flames, hissing and spitting in protest over their dousing. Thor squinted at him. "Did you change your clothes?"

"Yes, Thor. Before you left."

Some time before, in fact. Loki had locked himself in Thor's bathroom claiming need to bathe. He did need to bathe. But he was hardly going to do it in that appalling excuse for a bath. He ran the water and left a double behind to splash about and yell at Thor to leave him be should Thor happen to knock on the door to check up on him.

In the meantime, Loki world-walked to New York to run a couple quick errands before taking himself to a perfectly charming inn where he acquired a modest room. He indulged in a long, lovely soak, ordered room service, and took a nap. Being among the living once more meant Loki was able to access his interdimensional pocket. It took some rummaging, but he found a decent change of clothes and a once favoured pair of boots he'd thought he lost long ago.

He'd returned to Thor battering the door of the dingy bathroom.

"Go away!" his double had yelled.

 _Bang, bang, bang._ "For the fourth time - I have to pee!" Thor yelled back.

"Go away!" the double repeated.

"You've been in there for hours!"

"Go away!"

 _BANG! BANG! BANG!_ "Loki! How much longer?"

"Go away!"

Hmm. One of these centuries Loki would have to learn how the program the things to be more adaptable in response to things said. Loki dropped his dirty garments on floor, got rid of the double, and traipsed out. Thor nearly ran him over in his haste to get inside. A yelp and a tidal wave of water followed.

"You yelled at me when you tripped over my boots and fell into the bath, remember?" Loki certainly did. Best laugh he'd had in years.

Thor smiled vaguely. "I do. I did." He set down Stormbreaker and began untangling himself from the shopping he carried under his arms and on his back. The ensuing pile was bigger than Thor. He gazed at the dying fire. "You burned down my house." He wasn't asking.

"I did." There was little point in denying it.

"Why?"

"Because."

"I see." Thor sighed. "Now I understand why you had me buy this tent."

"I've already picked out the perfect place to set it up."

"If I were sober I'd be angry."

"I know." Loki leaned companionably into Thor's shoulder, solidly dependable as ever. "Forgive me?" he asked sweetly.

Thor ducked his head and smiled. "Show me where you want the tent."

"This way. Best get you tucked away for bed. Busy day planned tomorrow. Many things to do."

"Do I get a say?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

Thor cast one last look at his burning house. "I don't supposed you kept any of my clothes? Or is that why you wanted these bolts of fabric?"

"Oh," Loki said. "I knew I was forgetting something. No, those are for me. No matter, you can go back to the shops tomorrow." He gathered up a pile of bags and set off down the path away from the Thor's home.

Thor hoisted up the rest of the shopping. "What about the television? Did you keep that at least?"

"Do keep up."

The rain started falling again over Loki's head. Hard.

"Thor!"

Thor laughed and followed Loki down the path. From a safe distance.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the change in number of chapters. Thought I could make it in three chapters, but no. :D

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Valkyrie said. "Wish I didn't."

Bruce grimaced. He'd opted to return to New Asgard on his own this time around. He didn't know what worried him more - the thought of Rocket and Loki trying to maim each other or that they might actually get along. Neither boded well for others.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to break the news of Loki's return from the dead to the rest of the Avengers. He wanted to. It was certainly better coming from him. But everyone was already tired and frayed. It seemed to him one complication too many for right now.

"Coward," Rocket had said when Bruce asked him not to mention it either.

"I'm not," Bruce protested weakly. "I'm just saying let's keep it to ourselves for the time being."

Rocket didn't care one way or the other. "Whatever. But you're going to have a helluva time explaining when Thor brings the dead sibling along with him. Or worse, doesn't bring him but starts talking about 'im like he's still around. Seems to me that might cause problems. I don't know if you noticed, but Thor's got issues."

"Yeah," Bruce sighed. "I noticed."

But they needed Thor. So here he was. And if getting Thor meant dealing with Loki, so be it. Bruce would get everyone across the Loki's alive bridge when they came to it. And hope Loki didn't set that on fire too.

"How long's this been going on?" He didn't want to know so much as he didn't want to walk unawares into a field where Thor was running laps carrying what appeared to be a horse with wings. Loki was sprawled out in a massive lounge chair at one end of the field. The faint beat of music pulsed through the air. Somehow it was the music that made it surreal.

"About an hour," Valkyrie said. "But he's only getting started. His drill master let him sleep in this morning."

"That's nice. He probably needed it. Thor looked a little rough when I was here before."

She shrugged. "I guess. Last round he was going for three days."

Bruce waited for the punchline. None was forthcoming. "Huh?"

She glanced up at him. "What?"

"What do you mean - what?"

Valkyrie raised her eyebrows in question.

"Three - are you trying to tell me Thor was carrying a - a - a whatever that thing is around a field for three days? Straight? No breaks?"

"Yeah? So?" She didn't look any less confused.

_Asgardians._ "What was Loki doing?"

"Same thing he's doing now - sitting there scratching his ass. Occasionally going off to harass the building crew."

Silly man that he was, Bruce had gone straight to Thor's house upon his arrival. Or where Thor's house had been. He found the site near inaccessible give all the building materials, equipment, and workers swarming everywhere. No Thor. More ominously, no Loki. Valkyrie met him coming back down the path.

"He just came back from the dead. How'd he manage all this?" Bruce wouldn't have the faintest idea where to start on any kind of building project. And he was from this planet.

"Haven't asked."

"What's going up there? Another house?" It was going to be huge whatever it was. Bruce had spied piles of lumber and rock larger than Thor's original house. He hadn't stuck around long enough to see what was in the load the helicopter hovering overhead had been carefully lowering to the ground.

"Don't know that either."

"Aren't you curious?" Bruce was.

"Look, I didn't ask when Thor started doing weight-bearing wind sprints. I didn't ask when Loki turned up with a new wardrobe. Or when he knocked on every door in the settlement and asked to search their food stores."

"He what? Why?"

"I just said I didn't ask." Valkyrie said, testy. "I just know he did it, interrogated people over where they got their food, and left muttering about Thor being an idiot. I didn't ask then and I'm certainly not going to ask what kind of monstrosity he's having built to replace the house he destroyed."

"Where's he getting the money for this? I thought you guys had a strict budget?"

Valkyrie pinched the bridge of her nose. "Seriously, what did I say?"

Bruce opened his mouth and closed it and opened it again. He let it go and gestured at the field. "Have they been doing this since I left?"

Valkyrie nodded. "Just about. Loki runs Thor ragged and Thor lets him. Occasionally they stop to get into an argument and beat the crap out of each other. The usual. You remember, right?"

He did. On the ship Thor and Loki rocketed back and forth between happily reunited brothers and squabbling brats intent on killing each other. At least there Heimdall had been around to referee the two of them. He seemed to have had plenty of experience.

"When they got into it yesterday Thor picked Loki up and tossed him into the sea," Valkyrie said. "Loki pretended like he was drowning. Thor panicked and jumped in to save him. Loki swam off laughing and yelling taunts. Thor was predictably pissed and tried to catch him. Guess which one of them is the better swimmer?"

"Loki?"

"You got it. Thor never got close. They swam around out there for most of the day before Loki came ashore and sent Thor for a run before they ate. I think Thor forgot why he was angry in the first place. When they got out of the water, they were both laughing."

"Isn't this water cold?"

"Very."

Bruce's brain hurt. "You know when I first met the two of them years ago they were fighting. Yeah, Loki was trying to conquer our planet and Thor was trying to stop him, but their fighting was nasty. I mean next level vicious. Loki was killing people, but Thor he wanted to _hurt_. About a year later when we heard Loki died Thor was heartbroken. Thor told me once Loki used to be different, that things happened and Loki went astray. But he was his little brother and Thor loved him."

"What's your point?"

"You know what?" Bruce half-smiled and shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe they were always like this. Even before they fell out. Maybe this is just _them_. Minus the occasional bout of attempted world domination."

Valkyrie shrugged. "Maybe. Does it matter?"

It didn't. "No."

"World still needs saving, huh?"

"Yeah. And I need Thor."

Valkyrie swept a mocking hand at the field. "There he is. Go get him."

Bruce gave Valkyrie a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Thanks."

"Sure." Valkyrie smirked. "Good luck getting past the brother. I hear he's a biter."

*** * ***

"Hey," Bruce waved as he approached. Neither noticed him. That might have been because the music this close up was deafening. If Bruce hadn't figured out how to blend himself with the Big Guy, he'd be half-way to Hulking out in self-defence against the noise. Bruce didn't know how Loki could stand it blaring it from a speaker right next to the cushioned lounger where he was sprawled out, nose buried in a book.

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be strong_

_And he's gotta be fast_

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

"Hey!" Bruce shouted at Loki. Loki ignored him. Bruce kicked his chair. The chair lurched and Loki planted a leg on the ground to keep it steady. He shot a glare up at the interloper and started at the sight of Bruce looming over him.

Bruce waved again.

Loki didn't roll his eyes, but he looked like he really wanted to. He waved a hand at the speaker to cut off the music before pulling out his earplugs.

"Banner!" Thor called out as he caught sight of him. "Greetings! I hope you don't mind if I continue. Loki will become cross if I stop without his leave."

"We agreed, Thor," Loki spoke from his reclined position, marking his page.

"We did. I am not complaining." Thor kept on running. Bruce wondered if anyone asked the winged horse being carried for its opinion.

"Hello, Bruce," Loki said with a pleasant smile. "How are you today?"

"I'm good, though I kinda find it weird when you're polite to me."

"Yes, I know."

Bruce gestured at the earplugs now resting on a small chair-side table and surrounded by clutter including the speaker and the remnants of a smoothie, a sandwich the size of his Hulkified hand, and a few apples with a weirdly golden sheen. "How'd those work with the music blasting right next to you?"

"They didn't at first. Terrible design. I made some improvements."

"Like what?"

"None of your business." The pleasant smile remained fixed in place.

Maybe not so polite after all. Bruce cleared his throat. "Nice workout music you're got going."

"I searched many a song for something sufficient to motivate Thor. This one seemed best."

"I guess. Could've gone with _Eye of the Tiger_."

"I considered it, but feared it would bestow too much pressure on my brother. This one is more fitting."

Bruce studied Loki's bland expression, trying to decide if he was yanking his chain. "You could...play them both?"

"I cannot play _both,"_ Loki said. "This is the musical anthem Thor believes the mortals penned in his honour therefore this is the one that inspires him."

"Thor believes? Dare I ask why?"

Loki's lips twitched to an almost-there-smile. Right. Dumb question. What Thor believed was between Thor, Loki, and Bonnie Tyler. Bruce wasn't getting involved. He changed the subject by gesturing at the book in Loki's lap. " _A Dance with Dragons_ , huh? Wouldn't have taken you for a fan of fantasy. Or anything written by humans."

Loki laid a protective hand over the book. "I enjoy stories. I always have. Even the ones written by mortals. For all the numerous shortcomings of your kind at least some of you are capable of grand imaginings."

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said about humans."

"It is," Loki agreed.

"You ever read anything by Tolkien?"

"I've read all his works."

"Even the Silmarillion?"

"Of course, I'm not a heathen."

He didn't know what to say to that. In fact, he didn't dare try. "Glad you're getting a chance to do some reading while you're here. It's too bad about Martin's series. They were great books."

Loki blinked. "What?"

"The writer," Bruce said, with another gesture at the book in Loki's lap. Loki blinked again. "Um, this series was never finished. You knew that, right?"

Loki's nostrils flared. "No!"

Oops. Bruce wondered, not for the first time, why he wasn't better at knowing when to keep his mouth shut. "Right. Sorry."

"Why was it not completed?" Loki glared at the book like it had somehow insulted him.

"Martin, the writer, he was one of the people who...you know - " Bruce snapped his fingers.

Loki slapped the book down on the table with more force than was necessary, saying something in a language Bruce didn't speak. But he assumed it was something unflattering about Thanos. There were George Martin fanboys the world over who would've wholeheartedly agreed.

"Did you bring the book with you when you, um, crossed over?" Bruce asked lamely. The words sounded stupider after he said them than they had as they were leaving his mouth.

Loki's expression clearly agreed. "No, I could not bring a book forth with me from the halls of Valhalla. I asked Thor to get it for me. He picked it up in Oslo."

"Is that where he had to go to get copy in English?"

"What?"

"The book. It's an English copy."

Loki glanced at the book like he couldn't fathom what Bruce was talking about. "So?"

Bruce sighed. Maybe Loki hadn't noticed the language the book was written in. Maybe Thor hadn't when he bought it. Maybe neither of them cared. Maybe Bruce shouldn't be giving himself a headache over it. "Never mind," he muttered.

Loki pursed his lips like he was restraining whatever it was he wanted to say next. It was an oddly unnatural look on him. "Still," Bruce spoke before Loki's lips had the chance to unpurse. "That's kinda far to go for a book. Oslo is over an hour's drive away. I passed a library and a book store fifteen minutes from here."

"What is your point, Bruce?"

He had no idea. It served him right trying to make small talk with Loki. "I don't really have one. I don't care where you got your book. I guess with Stormbreaker Thor can get to Oslo about as fast as he can get to the place up the road."

"Thor didn't fly. He ran."

"Sorry?"

"Are you hard of hearing?"

"No."

"All right."

Bruce wondered if it was worth getting into it. Conversations between just him and Loki were rare and they always went like this. Stilted, faked politeness that bordered on rude. If Bruce annoyed him long enough Loki would eventually snap. But he was still just Hulk shy enough that when he did he'd be gone soon afterwards. As much as Bruce really hated to admit it, he kinda needed Loki on his side for this one. He couldn't match the passive aggressive manners of a semi-(occasionally all the way)-hostile space prince, but Bruce had survived years in academia. Even worse, he thrived in it. If he could survive departmental politicking, backstabbing, and worse - like the students - he could deal with Loki.

"Thor ran to Oslo?" Bruce needed to check. He didn't care how deaf and dumb it made him seem in Loki's eyes. He was pretty sure Loki thought everyone who wasn't Loki was dumb.

"I believe that's what I said." Loki gave him a look that warned of patience running thin.

"And he's running laps around this field carrying a horse."

"It's a pegasus."

"Of course it is," Bruce said. "So my question is why?"

"Why what?"

"Why with all the running?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No."

Loki sighed. It was clear he'd been fighting the urge for a while. "Thor," Loki waved his arm in the air to get his brother's attention. Thor responded by carefully setting the winged horse upon the ground and jogging over to them. The horse immediately took flight.

"It's good to see you, my friend," Thor smiled. "You look well." He picked up the sandwich and took a big bite. "Do you know what would be good for later?" he said to Loki. "Peanut butter and Nutella."

"No," Loki said.

"But..."

Loki shot a sharp glare up at his brother. "No."

Thor was undeterred. "Pizza would also be good."

"No."

"Or..."

Loki hissed. "No! Never again will you consume such things. You'll eat what I give you."

Thor shrugged and took another bite of his sandwich. While chewing, he tore the remainder in two and offered Bruce half.

Bruce waved a hand to decline the food while telling himself he was not going to get involved with whatever was going on with these two. He knew better. "Thanks," he said instead. "You look good too."

He wasn't lying. Seeing Thor the last time had been a shock. After killing Thanos it was as if the life drained out of Thor. The time he'd spent living with them at the Avengers compound was like living with a shadow. The rest of them were processing what had happened, trying to grasp the immensity of their failure and what to do next. Thor just existed. From one day to the next he was there but not.

When Valkyrie made contact Thor was gone the same day in search of her and whatever remained of his people. When they finally arrived on Earth, they settled in a remote area in Norway and Thor never left. He didn't come visit, he didn't call. And the rest of them, so busy dealing with their own shit, left him be.

Bruce tried to keep in touch at first. Their sporadic conversations were stilted and full of long silences. After a few months, Bruce gave up. His communication from then on consisted of an email every few months to check in and say hi. Thor never answered and Bruce never picked up the phone. He felt terrible about it in retrospect. Especially after he learned Rocked visited Thor, but never mentioned it to anyone until he and Bruce decided to come to New Asgard together.

"How come you didn't say anything?" Bruce had asked when they departed New Asgard.

"Say what about what?" Rocket was barely paying attention, busy examining some gadget he picked up from somewhere along the way.

"Thor! He was angry and depressed the last time I saw him, but I didn't know he'd - I mean..."

"That he got fat?" Rocket was forever blunt. "Yeah, he really let himself go. At least this time he didn't try to hug me."

Bruce had been for a loss for words. He didn't know how he felt seeing Thor being so unlike Thor. It wasn't even his appearance, it was everything about him. The essence of the man - the god - had faded. He and Rocket didn't speak all the way back to New York.

"Yes," Thor said, "I suppose I look decidedly less shaggy than when you saw me last." He finished half the sandwich and set the other half back down on the plate before brushing the crumbs from his beard and chest.

Less shaggy was the least of it. His hair was clean, trimmed, and neatly braided, though some sweaty strands had made an escape. His beard was still bushy, but even it was tidier, like it had seen a brush recently. His clothes were sweaty, but looked otherwise new. And even though it hadn't been two weeks since Bruce saw him last Thor somehow looked thinner. Much thinner. Maybe it was the clothes? They fit him a lot better than what he'd had on before.

"Loki insisted," Thor continued. "Though I thought to keep the beard for now. I rather like it as it is."

"I don't," Loki said.

"So you've said," Thor grinned down at his brother. "Many, many times."

"I intend to shave it off when you're sleeping."

Thor smiled. A bright genuine smile. The sort that once came easily to Thor, but had long ago faded along with the rest of him. Thor was happy, Bruce realized. Losing so much had thoroughly broken the man. But having Loki back in his life had restored a part of Thor. Maybe the most important part.

Loki was offended by Thor's lack of worry. "I see you doubt what I can do while you're snoring away like a moon full of drunk dwarves. Or perhaps you've forgotten your eyebrows."

Thor tipped his head back and laughed. He thrust out a foot and kicked over Loki's chair, spilling his brother on the ground before offering Loki a hand to pull him to his feet. Thor set an affectionate hand on Loki's shoulder

"That was a grand jest indeed," Thor said. He turned to Bruce. "The morning before my first coronation years ago, I awoke to find my eyebrows had changed colour. Lighter than my hair and looking somehow singed. I knew at once it was Loki. I chased him around the palace much of the day, but he refused to change them back. I appealed to our mother, but she could not undo Loki's spell work. She much sorrowed for my woeful appearance, though I suspect at the same time she was pleased at the strength of Loki's magic."

Loki looked smug.

"My eyebrows remained in that state until - it was some time after Loki's fall from the Bifrost." A shadow passed over Thor's face. The hand on Loki's shoulder tightened. "I thought his death unraveled the spell."

Loki's smugness melted away. "The spell was temporary, Thor. It was always going to undo itself after a few days. I simply wanted you to look foolish for the coronation."

Thor responded with a tight smile. He gave Loki's shoulder a small shake and released him. "I would have worn those terrible eyebrows happily for the rest of my days if you'd been there for each of them to laugh at me." He slipped a hand into the pocket of his shorts and pulled out a flask. He took a long pull from it before returning it to his pocket.

Loki gave the flask a sour look, but made no comment on it. "Well, I'm sure Banner didn't come all this way to hear us discuss pranks of old."

They both turned expectant eyes on him. Bruce had gone over what he was going to say a hundred times. At least. It never sounded quite right in his head. "We're planning to go back in time to steal the Infinity Stones so we can undo everything Thanos did. We just need to pick the right moments in time from which to grab the Stones and bring them here to use. Everyone Thanos snapped away we can bring back to the present. It'll be like it never happened, except for everyone who lived through it. And probably everyone who was gone. Because everything will be really different for them. But we can deal with that. The important thing is we can fix this."

No, it didn't sound that great out loud either.

The brothers stared at him with similarly dumbfounded expressions. The flask made a reappearance in Loki's hand who drank from it before handing it over to Thor who took another long swallow. Loki recovered his power of speech first. "Thor, back to running."

"But..."

"No. We agreed. Run. Now."

With great reluctance Thor trudged off. He snuck up on one of the winged horses unaware, hoisted the beast up, and began to run. The creature flapped frantically, lifting Thor off his feet more then once. Each time Thor muscled them both back to the ground and kept on running. Eventually the poor beast accepted its fate and settled for the ride.

Bruce watched this while Loki watched him. Glared more like. Bruce could feel the eyes boring into the side of his skull. He had a feeling Loki's feigned politeness was about to meet the same fate as Thor's house.

"Have you imbeciles taken leave of your senses?" Loki snarled.

"It's a good plan," Bruce said defensively. "We've thought through the contingencies and think we've got a good shot of pulling it off."

"You are idiots! All of you. It's a wonder any of you are capable of dressing yourselves each morn."

"Thanos killed half of all life. He killed you!" Bruce said pointedly. "If we have a chance to undo it all how can we not take it?"

"By trampling through time? This is your grand solution?"

"We're not going to mess up the past if that's what you're worried about. Going back won't change anything in the present. All we have to do is get the Stones, bring them forward, make use of them, then put them back the same way we got them. Nothing will change except what we do with them in the here and now."

"Oh, is it so easy? Well, who am I to stand in your path." Loki closed his eyes like the sight of Bruce was causing him physical agony.

"Is that sarcasm?"

Loki's eyes snapped open. "Yes!"

"I'm not asking you to help us. I came for Thor."

Loki looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"What do you mean _why_?"

"Why Thor? You hardly need to drag him into your mindless mortal madness."

"Nice alliteration."

"Do shut up."

"Look - " Bruce took a step toward Loki, waving a hand in a mindless gesture. And that's when Loki's Hulk PTSD kicked in. He took a startled step back, eyes going wide. Loki recovered himself quickly, drawing himself up to appear casually confident. Bruce knew the conversation was all but over.

"Loki," he sighed. "There's not a lot of Avengers left. We're gathering everyone we can to do this, that includes Thor. One last ditch effort to stop Thanos five years too late. We need this." He cast a glance out to Thor running his laps around the field. "So does he. Tell me he doesn't and I'll go."

He was kinda lying but hoping Loki didn't notice. Given the coolly skeptical look Loki was giving him, he had in fact noticed. _God of Lies, Banner, you dumbass._

"The book shop you saw on your way?" Loki said. "There's an inn across the road."

"I didn't notice, but I'll take your word for it. So?"

"Go there. Have a meal. Spend a night. I will speak with Thor and meet you in the morning."

"Um," Bruce hesitated, "not complaining, but the new body doesn't really lend itself to cozy nights in motel beds these days."

The tension racketed up in Loki's posture. The urge to bolt clearly warring with the urge to be Loki. Being Loki won. "It's little concern of mine you've chosen to fuse the tolerable part of you to the monstrous shade. Find a patch of ground to sleep on. Mayhap you'll be fortunate and find someone to pity you enough to stitch together two blankets to cover yourself so you'll not frighten children and dogs while you rest."

Bruce couldn't help but laugh. "Always nice talking to you, Loki. I'll figure out my sleeping situation. How about I meet you guys here first thing in the morning?"

Loki twitched. "Very well," he said stiffly.

Bruce could've stuck around to see how long it would take Loki to fold and run, but he was trying for a spirit of let's-undo-Thanos's-life's-work cooperation. He backed off. He waved to Thor who waved back via pegasus, much to the animal's displeasure.

"Loki!" Thor called. "My song!" Loki gestured at the speaker.

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light_

_He's gotta be sure_

_And it's gotta be soon_

_And he's gotta be larger than life_

The volume nearly knocked Bruce off his feet. When he glanced back Loki was gone.

*** * ***

Early the next day found Bruce yawning and rubbing at his neck in the field, now thankfully free of the sight of a Thunder God doing sprints while carrying a horse. Pegasus. Whatever. Said creatures were blissfully ignoring him as they went about their business doing whatever it was pegasi do when they were unharassed by Asgardian royals. Bruce stretched his neck one way and the next, still rubbing. Sleeping on the floor of the quinjet never got any more comfortable. But there were worse options. He could've spent the night sleeping in this field with a bunch of horses staring at him. Did horses sleep? Did Pegasi? They must. But he didn't know. He hadn't thought to google it while looking up the plural of pegasus.

He wasn't even sure Thor and Loki slept. No, that wasn't true. He knew they slept, he just didn't know when. Or for how long. Google wasn't very helpful with the sleeping patterns of Asgardians, transplanted or otherwise. With Thor's former house currently a big hole in the ground Bruce didn't even know where Thor and Loki slept. He hadn't thought to ask Valkyrie. Probably it was on the list of things she didn't want to know.

He yawned again, a great jaw-splitting one, wondering when Thor and Loki would show up. If they left soon he could have them all at the compound before breakfast New York time. And maybe with a little luck all the fighting and arguing and possible bloodletting will be resolved by dinner. Bruce fought back a groan. Who was he kidding? If Loki tagged along there was definitely going to be bloodletting.

He should have told them about Loki. Give them time to get used to the idea. Or maybe it would have made it all worse by ratcheting up paranoia about what the Avengers' original enemy was up to. It was too late now. Unless he called them. Was this the kind of thing you shared over the phone? Maybe google would know. Maybe he'd just keep his mouth shut and let Thor tell everyone about Loki when they got there.

Bruce turned slowly, hoping he'd catch sight of the brothers off in the distance.

"Good morning, Bruce," Loki said calmly from four feet away.

Bruce _eeped_ and rocked back on his heels. Loki's mouth twitched with amusement. Hulk-shy or no, Bruce reminded himself, Loki couldn't help himself. He had to be an asshole.

"Pleasant evening?" Loki asked.

"No," Bruce said.

"Pity."

"Save it. Where's Thor?" His neck hurt. He slept like crap. He was hungry. And there was a shit storm waiting for them on the other side of the Atlantic. Bruce just wanted to get to the jet and go.

"Preparing," Loki said vaguely.

Bruce blinked. "Can you be more specific?"

"No."

Bruce sighed. _Dear google, will smashing Thor's newly-returned-from-the-dead little brother make matters worse? Or will it only make me feel better?_ "Is he going to be long? Because I was hoping for an early start."

"You may leave without us. Thor and I will meet you at the Avengers' place of gathering."

"Uhhhhhh..."

"What?" It was awfully early for Loki to look that irritated.

"I was hoping to bring Thor back with me. On the jet. That I flew here. To get Thor."

"Why would Thor want to ride in one of your absurd mortal contraptions when he has Stormbreaker?"

Good point. But also since he had heard about the kinds of ships Asgard of old used for flying around their planet, Bruce didn't think Loki had cause to criticize the jet. "I thought we could spend the trip catching up. A lot's happened since Thor was last in touch with everyone. Plus, we could work out the best way to tell them about you being, you know, alive and, um, present. Because you will be, right? No chance you want to sit this one out and stay here? Maybe?"

Bruce hoped he didn't sound desperate. It's not that they couldn't handle Loki. The Avengers whole thing came about because they could handle Loki. He just didn't want anyone getting stabbed. Including Loki.

"What are you babbling about?" Loki's irritation was trending along pissed off.

Someone woke up cranky. Or maybe he hadn't slept yet. That would do it for Bruce. He had a feeling if he made any sudden movements this conversation was going to be over real quick. He sighed and shook his head. "Never mind. Are you sure I can't give you two a lift to New York?"

"I am."

"And - just to check - you are coming with Thor?"

"Correct."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

Loki's eyes narrowed. "I was sent back to help Thor. Undoing the Mad Titan's works counts as such. Whether or not it's a _good idea,_ as you say, is entirely irrelevant. Where Thor goes, I go."

"Yeah," Bruce grimaced. "I thought that's what you'd say."

He wondered who was going to be the first to bleed.


	4. Chapter 4

Arriving at the Avengers compound Loki was rested, fed, and groomed as befitting his station. Albeit his station these days was a prince of a fallen people. Nevertheless, as his mother always told him appearances mattered and Loki made sure to arrive well enough ahead of Thor that he might again make use of a modest accommodation to prepare for his reunion with Thor's battle companions.

Ugh.

Strolling into the building unchallenged by the laughably weak security system Loki took little time in locating the Avengers. He simply followed the sound of the annoying voices. One annoying voice in particular.

Stark was pacing the room while yelling into a handheld device.

"$75,000! How do you not notice a $75,000 per night penthouse being charged to my card? That's on top of the one for $50,000 two weeks ago!" He listened for a moment before continuing to rant. "Of course it wasn't me! Why the hell would I need a $75,000 hotel room when I own half of New York? Change of scenery? And it's not just the hotel room. Someone has been using my credit cards to go on shopping sprees in London, Oslo, Paris, Milan, and a dozen more cities. Not to mention this building project that I can't find no matter how many calls I make or people I threaten. My cards are living it up without me. I want to know who's doing this, I want to know they got my information, or so help me - "

Stark trailed off when he caught sight of Loki. He stared dumbfounded. Loki gave him a toothy smile. "Cancel the cards." He paused. "Well, cancel them again! And block all access to my accounts." Another pause. "Yes, even to me! I'll call you when I've designed a fraud-proof credit and banking system. Should be a couple days." Stark put his device away and pointed. "You!"

"Greetings, Stark," Loki said.

There was a riot of movement as the rest of the room's occupants took note of him. Steve Rogers went rigid. Barton and Romanoff nearly tripped over each other in their mutual haste to grab a weapon. Rocket waved absently, barely looking up from some contraption he was tinkering with. A man Loki didn't know seemed not to know how to react to everyone else's reaction. Banner grimaced, giving off a guilty air. Loki assumed he'd not informed them of his continued existence, likely hoping Thor would offer the explanation himself.

Stark bristled with hostility. "How did you get your grubby mitts on my credit cards?"

Loki smiled primly. "That would be telling."

"And what are you doing with all that gilded marble you bought with my money in Dubai?"

"You bought what?" Banner asked before Loki could answer.

"I thought pillars would be nice in the feasting hall," Loki said. "Or one of the bathrooms. I've not yet decided."

"Does Thor know about it?" Banner asked.

"Why would he?"

Banner put a hand over his face. Stark transferred his glare to Banner. "What the hell is going on?"

"What he said," Rogers echoed. "Something you forgot to tell us, Bruce?"

Banner smiled sheepishly. "Hey guys, guess what?" Romanoff and Barton both took aim at Loki.

Rocket snickered. "Wow, someone's popular."

Stark cast a dark look down at the rabbit. "Did you know about this?"

Rocket shrugged, unconcerned. "Saw him at Thor's place. Thor's cracking up by the by. Thought he was hallucinating this one."

Rogers's eyebrows went north. "Thor - what? Bruce?"

"Thor's fine," Bruce said hastily. "Maybe not so much fine, but he's doing better." He turned to Loki for support. Right?"

"He is," Loki agreed.

"You're taking his word for it?" Stark half-shouted. "Are you serious? Are you nuts? Are you possessed?"

"Um, which do you want me to answer?"

"Oh, for..." Stark turned a crazed look on Loki. "Were you in my house? Is that how you got my cards? You better not have been in my house, or so help me - ."

"Mind your health, Stark. I think not even a mortal can withstand a heartbeat that elevated for long." Loki gave him a thoughtful once-over. "Or so we'll see."

"Tony, calm down," Bruce tried.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Rocket started to laugh. Stark glared at him. "Seriously?"

"What can I say? I kinda like this asshole. Hey, which of Thor's dead siblings are you again? I forget which was which."

"Rocket, you met him a few weeks ago," Banner pointed out.

"Sure, but it ain't like I was taking notes. Anyway I was there to see Thor, not meet his whole extended family."

"I am Thor's only remaining family," Loki said tartly.

"Whatever. So which are you?"

"This is the one who likes invading other planets with an army," Stark snarled.

"That doesn't narrow it down," Rocket said.

"He tried to kill Thor," Rogers added.

"Still not helping."

"Gets his kicks killing people when he's not enslaving them to his will." Barton's bitterness rolled off him in waves of hostility.

Rocket sighed. "You people are useless." He turned to Loki. "You Loki or Hela?

"Excuse me," Loki said, more affronted than he'd been in at least a week. "Hela is a villain." The Avengers glared at him. "I am Loki," he conceded.

"Oh, right. Hela's the sister, yeah? The one you had to destroy Asgard to kill?"

"Whoa, what?" said the man Loki did not know.

Stark gaped. He rounded on Banner again. "You never said anything."

Banner pulled a face. "Did I forget to mention that part?"

"Yes!"

"My bad."

Loki ignored them. "Half-sister and not of my blood," he told Rocket. "I was adopted. And I did not personally destroy Asgard. I merely unleashed the entity capable of doing so. With Thor's approval," he added defensively, while wondering why he was bothering to defend himself to these cretins.

"Eh," Rocket was disappointed. "That's not as good a story."

The man Loki didn't know rose to his feet. "This is Loki? _The_ Loki?"

"I am," Loki said. "And you are?"

"Scott Lang." He gave Loki a half-wave. "I'd say nice to meet you, but you're the guy who invaded New York with an alien army. Which would've been cool if it wasn't, you know, an alien army invading New York. I will say - the horns? Awesome. But didn't they hurt your neck?"

"They did not."

"That's good. Because neck pain? The worst."

"He invaded New York, Scott," Rogers reminded him.

"He did," Lang agreed. "Probably deserves neck pain."

"Deserves a lot more than that for the shit he's done," Barton said darkly.

"Wish me dead, do you?" Loki smiled at his former servant. "I've a great deal of company in that respect as of late. You are not one to be lofting stones from your perch on the matter of killing others these days are you, dearest?" Loki said silkily, giving Barton a knowing look. He'd put the last few days to excellent use looking up the recent activities of his foes. Stark was a bitter disappointment, but Barton? Such delightful reading. "No wonder you and your Widow are so fond of one another. You have so much in common, after all."

Barton's nostrils flared with rage, the hand holding a weapon trembled with the force of his ire. No arrows this time. Merely one of the inefficient guns mortals were so very fond of for some reason. Rogers sent a hard look at Romanoff who, pointedly, did not look back. Stark eyed them all with narrowing eyes realizing he was missing something. _Ah,_ Loki thought with delight, _strife._ He met Barton's eyes calmly and waited for the shot to come.

"Barton," Rogers barked. A long, tense moment passed before Barton heeded his captain and regained his control. His hand steadied and he lowered his weapon. After another moment Romanoff followed, though they both kept their weapons at their sides.

"You have this effect on people everywhere you go?" Rocket asked Loki.

"You'd be surprised."

"Not really. You've got more years than most to spend pissing people off. So if Thor's 1500, how old does that make you?"

"Whoa, Thor's how old?" Lang was shocked. He turned to Rogers. "Is it weird meeting people who are older than you?" Rogers made a face.

"Thor is not centuries older than me," Loki snapped, incensed. "Though he certainly likes to act as though he is."

"Then how come he said 1500?" Rocket asked.

"Because he's an idiot."

"Uh-huh. And?"

"Is this relevant right now?" Banner was eyeing his fellow Avengers as a man carrying home a freshly butchered beast eyed a pack of starving dogs. Loki wondered if this made him the dead beast.

"No," Rocket said. "But I want to know."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Time in Asgard does not flow the same as time in Midgard or other places, nor do we mark the days of our birth with each passing year for we are too long lived for such a practice. When we encounter beings beside our own we must ascertain how they keep time before calculating our ages in a way they can understand. Somewhat similar to how we speak to those who know not our language. We must first know how they communicate among themselves before we can make ourselves understood among them."

"So to get 1500...?"

"These kinds of calculations are not Thor's strength."

"Thor's bad at math?" Rocket looked gleeful.

Loki smirked. "In a manner of speaking."

"But Thor's older, right?"

"Yes," Loki grudgingly allowed.

"And Hela?"

"Also older. Much older."

"Ah. So you're the baby of the family, huh?"

"I suppose I am."

"Bet you were spoiled."

"Excuse me?" Loki's voice went icy.

"Uh, Rocket..." Banner tried to intervene.

"Youngest prince in a golden city? Bet your cradle was even made of gold. Man, you must've been rolling in dough before you could walk." Rocket's enthusiasm was climbing. "You grew up in a palace, right? Did you have your own room? Your own floor? Was it made of gold? Did you have your own personal vault? What's the craziest thing you ever bought? Most expensive? You ever have to ask how much something was before you bought it? Probably not. I wouldn't if I had all your money. Mommy and daddy's spoiled little princeling. Some people have all the luck." Rocket sighed wistfully. "Hey, how come you and Stark don't like each other? Seems to me stinkin' rich types always hang out together."

"Like I'd hang out with him," Stark snapped while Loki said, "Because I have taste."

But Loki wasn't finished. "I was not _spoiled_. I may have lacked for nothing in the material sense, but I grew up in a world that loved me little. Not like they loved Thor. They exalted him above all others no matter what he did. And Thor knew it, surrounding himself with adoring disciples who'd praise him for passing gas and Thor would think it no less his due." Loki drew a breath and kept ranting. "So do not speak to me of having been spoiled, little vermin, because while I was many things upon Asgard - mistrusted chief among them - I was not spoiled!"

Rocket pressed his luck. "Boo-hoo, you were still a prince living in a golden city. Before you destroyed it, that is. Hey, did you at least remember to take some gold with you?"

Loki snarled and pulled out a dagger. Rocket hissed and snatched up a gun. Banner and Rogers both dove in to separate them. "Settle down, you two," Rogers said sternly, holding Rocket up by the waist having disarmed him.

"What Cap said," Banner added, holding Loki similarly though in the time it took him to take the dagger away, Loki had conjured another one.

"Put me down, Banner," Loki said through clenched teeth. "Or I will carve you from your beastly shade."

Banner made a face. "Not really helping your cause." But he set him down all the same. Rogers did the same with Rocket.

Rocket also failed to help his own cause. "This one's got a chip on his shoulder, huh? Hey, where's Nebula? We outta introduce them. I bet they'd get along."

Loki stared at him. "What did you - " The door swung open and two more people filed into the room. One Loki did not know. One he did.

"Hey guys," said the man. "Sorry we took so long, we were..." the man stopped in his tracks when he saw Loki. "Am I crazy or is that - whoa!" He dove out of the way as Loki lunged past him, barrelling straight into the woman beside him.

Thanos's daughter.

Loki took her to the ground with a howl, one echoed by Nebula. He plunged the dagger downward, the arc halting by her grip on his wrist. Loki broke free in an instant. Before he gathered for another strike she slammed her fist into his face and twisted her legs around him to throw him off. They both rolled to their feet and squared off. Nebula produced a pair of electroshock batons Loki remembered with about as much fondness as Nebula herself.

Loki pointed his dagger at her. "I hoped I might again cross paths with you."

"Funny," Nebula said, "I didn't care if I ever saw you again."

Loki snarled. "I look forward to making you bleed." He charged. She charged. They both came up short when a shield slammed to the ground between them.

"Enough!" Rogers shouted. He walked in between them to retrieve his shield. "Nebula, put the weapons away. Loki, you too." They waffled, alternating between glaring at him and each other. "I said - put them away." Rogers out glared them. "Now!"

Loki waited for Nebula to stow her shock sticks before sending his dagger away with a flick of magic. When he took a step back he found Banner standing too close. Banner didn't look happy. "You gotta stop doing this," he said quietly. "Undoing Thanos's work, remember?"

"If that's the case then what is his daughter doing here?" Loki asked.

Nebula heard him. "I turned my back on Thanos years ago. When given the choice I decided I'd rather fight against him than continue doing his dirty work."

"How convenient."

"It's true, Loki," Banner promised. "She's on our side."

"Nebula's done some bad shit in the past," Rocket put in, "but who here hasn't? Maybe her bad shit's a little more extreme than most people's. But Nebula's kinda an extreme person. Right?" He appealed directly to her.

"Stop talking," she told him.

"The point is," Rocket carried on,"she tried to stop Thanos. Yeah, she failed. But so did we. At least we're all working together to try and fix it. That includes Nebula." He levelled a stern look at Loki. "You gotta figure out what side you're on. 'Cause ours is the only one that matters."

Loki fumed. Outplayed by a talking rabbit. "Very well. I will let her live. For now."

"Big of you," Rocket said at the same time Nebula snapped, "Do me no favours." Rocket grinned. "See? This is why I thought you two should meet."

"This is turning out to be a weird day," Lang was eyeing them all with an air of fascinated bewilderment.

The man who had come in with Nebula had backed off to stand beside Stark. "What the hell? That's Loki. Why is Loki here?"

"Keep asking that myself, Rhodey" Stark said.

"I'm probably going to regret asking this," Rogers sighed, rubbing at his eyes, "but where's Thor?"

"He'll be along," Loki said.

"Alive? Or should we begin searching for his remains." Stark was bristling with renewed hostility. Or perhaps it was leftover hostility. Loki did not care either way.

"Don't be absurd," Loki sneered. "As if I'd leave remains for you to find."

When Stark advanced on him Banner was the only one to intercede. "Take it easy, Tony," Banner reached out an arm to keep Stark out of reach of Loki. Or out of Loki's reach, more like. "He's just screwing with you."

"Yeah," Rocket agreed. "And if he wasn't he'd probably break you in half."

"True," Loki said.

Banner threw him a sharp look. "Not helping." Loki smirked.

Stark snorted in disgust. "What are you even doing here? Huh? What? Bruce tell you about our plan to undo your friend Thanos's work and you thought you'd show up and sabotage it? Let me tell you something, not going to happen."

"Tony, hey - "

Banner tried again to intervene, but Stark ignored him, shaking off his arm and pointing a finger at Loki. "Don't think for a second you're going to be roaming around free while we're busy. I've built bigger and better cages for locking up psychopaths than SHIELD ever dreamed of. I will not hesitate to lock you down."

Loki crossed the floor with slow, measured steps until he was close enough to force Stark to unwittingly fall back a step. Rogers's stirred, readying himself to move. There was a muttered curse nearby, but Loki didn't look to see from whom it came. Banner inhaled a quick breath and seemed to hold it. Loki leaned forward just enough to cause Stark to lean backwards.

"You are welcome to try," Loki said with all the menace he could muster. "And in turn I will teach you new definitions of pain as I learned in the company of my so-called _friend_."

Stark's eyes glittered with rage and a touch of fear. He opened his mouth to retort and -

"Stark," Nebula spoke for the first time since Loki tried to knife her. "For once know when to keep your mouth shut." Much to Loki's surprise, he did.

That's when the door crashed opened and Thor sauntered in. "My friends," he greeted them.

"Thor!" Banner all but wilted in relief at the sight of him. "I'm so glad you're here. Finally. Really, really glad."

Thor laughed, striding further into the room to stand next to Loki. "I would have arrived sooner, but my brother tricked me into releasing Stormbreaker before we arrived on land. I fell into the waters below us and had to swim the rest of the way."

"That would explain all the dripping," Stark said archly.

Thor shook himself, sending water flying everywhere. Mostly on Loki. Loki hissed in annoyance. Thor shot him a cheerful grin.

"Tricked you?" Rocket said. "How?"

"Loki changed Stormbreaker into a snake which bit me on the nose. In my surprise I let go of the snake. I was already falling when I saw Loki change the snake back into Stormbreaker and fly away without me." Thor gestured at his nose, which sure enough, was red and swollen. "The cool water felt nice, but it still aches."

"Swimming up the Hudson I'm surprised it hasn't rotted and fallen off," Stark said. "I'll get you some antibiotics. I think." His brow furrowed. "Can you take antibiotics? Or is it like giving you a TicTac?"

"What's a TicTac?" Thor asked, turning to Loki.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who's lived on this world for years. Whatever it is you don't need it. I'll fix your nose."

Thor's fingers poked gingerly at his nose. "I wish you'd select a different body part to maim."

"Don't tempt me."

Thor squinted at him. "What happened to your eye?"

"Nothing." He saw Nebula smirking out of the corner of his non-swelling eye.

"You look half-way decent anyway." Rocket looked Thor over. "Much better than the last time I saw you. More god-like, less alcoholic slob passed out in a corner."

Banner stared. "Your beard..."

Thor rubbed his stubbly face sheepishly. "It served me right. I should know better than to fall asleep with Loki sharpening his daggers nearby."

"Not sad to see it gone," Rocket said. "You could've hid a family of raccoons in that thing."

"What's a raccoon?" Loki asked.

"I have never seen one," Thor answered, "but I understand they are small, furry creatures who live in garbage." Rocket looked as if he was going to comment, but changed his mind.

Lang appeared at Thor's elbow and handed him a towel. Thor thanked him and Lang beamed as if bestowed a great honour, gazing up at Thor with worship in his eyes. In turn Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes, then wondered why he was bothering and rolled away.

Rogers cleared his throat. "Have you been in the water all day?"

"Day?" Thor looked thoughtful. "It seemed much longer."

"It was," Loki said. "You started out in the ocean."

Rogers's eyebrows shot up. "You dropped Thor in the Atlantic?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Probably trying to drown him," Stark muttered.

"He needed the exercise," Loki heroically ignored Stark's barb. "I thought a nice swim would suffice."

"Don't ask, don't ask, please don't anyone ask," Banner was pleading under his breath.

"Huh?" Lang said.

"Dammit." Banner dropped his face in his hand.

"You swam here? From the Atlantic?" Rogers's eyebrows climbed ever higher.

"Yes," Thor was puzzled by their puzzlement. "It was quite invigorating. Particularly when I was approached in the open waters by a friendly gathering of sea creatures who sought to accompany me part of the way."

"Dolphins?" Lang asked.

Thor frowned. "I do not know. They were large, had impressive fins, more impressive teeth, and distinctively white undersides." More eyebrows went up all over the room. Thor didn't seem to notice. "They were quite inquisitive and many sought to wrestle me as I swam. Though it slowed my pace greatly, I felt it churlish to deny them even if some tried to bite me in their excitement."

There was a painfully long silence.

"What'd you do when you needed to sleep?" Rhodey finally asked.

"Sleep?"

"Oh god," Banner sank into an oversized chair and laid his head on the table.

"How long you been swimming?" Rocket asked.

Thor looked to Loki. Loki shrugged. "A week perhaps," Thor decided. Rhodey looked impressed. Lang was more awestruck.

"Sure it wasn't five days?" Stark glared at Loki. "That's how many nights your thieving brother charged to my credit card."

"Loki," Thor chided him. Loki grinned impishly. Thor laughed. "I apologize," he said to Stark. "Loki's oft made sport of stealing from our friends. He once stole a feathered cap off the head of a companion while he napped and hid it. Fandral searched for days before spying it atop the head of a statue of my great-grandfather. For some reason Fandral thought to climb the statue instead of fetching a ship to fly up to retrieve his hat. He ended up falling from a great height. Luckily, he fell in a nearby water fountain which saved him from greater injury."

Loki frowned. "Didn't he hit his head on the statue atop the fountain, knock himself out, nearly drown and have to be rescued?"

Now Thor was frowning. "I don't think so. Wasn't that Volstagg? That time he toppled off a palace balcony while drunk?"

"No, that was Sif."

"I thought Sif rescued the person from the fountain?"

"That was Hogun. Sif fell off the balcony, Fandral the statue, Hogun retrieved both of them."

"Really?"

"Why don't you remember this? It happened on the same night."

"Where was I?"

"With me. Laughing at them."

"Oh, that's right. That was a good night," Thor smiled at the memory. "Loki's pranks are always in good fun."

Loki picked up the refrain, putting on the air of an innocent prankster he hadn't worn in years. "Yes. All in good fun. What are a few coins among friends?" He beamed at Stark.

Stark went pink. Then red. Then purple. Rhodey laid a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "Probably wouldn't be worth it," to which Stark hissed, "No, but it'll feel good."

Stark raised an armoured hand and fired a blast. Loki threw up a hand to cast a shield to deflect the blast. Thor tried to shove Loki out of the way, jostling him just as the blast struck the shield, redirecting it in Thor's direction by accident. The blast struck Thor and sent him tumbling backwards into and through a wall.

"Shit!" Stark lowered his arm as half the room rounded on him shouting at once. "Are you nuts?" followed, "Tony!", along with, "What the hell, man?" The other half of the room clustered around the hole in the wall to see to Thor.

Rocket was the first one there. "Thor! Thor, you okay? You want I should hold Stark down so you can hit him?"

Thor groaned. "Unnecessary. But I thank you." He crawled out of the wall, bleeding from a cuts on his arms and a nasty gash on his forehead. Banner helped him up and started brushing drywall dust off him. Lang leaned in to help.

"You are well?" Loki asked his brother. Thor nodded. "Good." In the blink of an eye Loki had Stark by the throat, holding him aloft before hurling him across the room into the wall opposite the one he blasted Thor into. Unlike Thor, Stark didn't go through the wall so much as he bounced off it, leaving an impressive crack behind as he dropped to the floor with a groan. Before anyone could react Loki was across the room and grabbing Thor by the shoulder.

"Time to go, brother." And they were gone.

But not far.

"We're still in the compound," Thor said, looking about.

Loki didn't answer. He waved a hand to seal and re-enforce all the doors and strode toward the set-up in the middle of the room. The mortals had been busy and so had he. Thor limped after him. Loki tossed him one of the white suits the mortals had stacked in a neat pile next to their time machine. "Put that on. Try not to bleed on it."

Thor grabbed it out of the air. And promptly bled on it. Loki hissed. "That's the only one that'll fit you. Oh, here." He snatched it back in a huff and used a different suit - Stark's - to press to Thor's bloody forehead. With his free hand he started patching Thor's wounds quickly. A temporary magical fix of sorts would work until Thor either healed or they arrived somewhere Loki could take his time and put more effort into healing. Whichever came first. So until Thor healed.

The first pounding on the door began when Thor stopped bleeding. "Pretend we're not here," Loki said firmly. He shoved the suit back into Thor's hands and grabbed up his own. Or Rogers's, rather. But it would do. More incessant banging on the door followed. "Ready?" Loki asked.

"Not really," Thor said. "Shouldn't we explain what we're going to do? Or perhaps even explain to me."

Loki sighed. "We already went over this."

"You said the two of us were going into the past to fix the present."

"Yes."

"But you didn't say how."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes!"

"Shh!"

The thumping on the door escalated. The mortals seemed to have gotten ahold of a battering ram more quickly than Loki anticipated. Loki checked the devices with the particles that would allow them to travel through time to ensure they were functional. Then he double-checking that all the stolen particles he'd gathered were stashed away in his inter-dimensional fold. He'd spent a the previous day making his own calculations to ensure he'd have access to the fold while traversing through space and time.

"Loki," Thor hissed. "They know we're in here," as outside the doors someone shouted, "We know you're in there!"

Loki heaved out an exasperated sigh. "Brilliant these friends of yours. I'll explain everything later." Loki slapped a helmet on Thor's head. "But we have to go."

While adjusting the straps of his hastily donned garb Thor looked up in a sudden panic. "Loki, I don't have Stormbreaker."

"Oh. Right." He held up a hand and reached out with a mental tug. Stormbreaker appeared. Loki handed it over. "Easier to deal with than Mjolnir, I must say." He could lift this one.

Thor clutched his axe in relief. "I still miss my hammer, though."

"Of course you do." Loki turned away to fasten on his own helmet. "Why not let him wield both the bloody things," he muttered bitterly. "Surprised Odin didn't think of that."

"What?"

"What?" Loki blinked innocently. "I said - time to go."

Thor peered at him suspiciously. "Are you certain you know how to work this?" He pointed at the mortal machinery with his axe.

He did. He was standing sight unseen over Stark's shoulder only three days ago when the man was reviewing the planned procedure with Rogers and Romanoff. It had been surprisingly interesting, except for how much they misunderstood basic concepts regarding the workings of time, space, and all elements of the greater universe. It was also frustrating for all the questions Loki wanted to ask - not to mention the disparaging commentary he'd been forced to choke back - but was unable to lest the Avengers take the voice of an old enemy coming from thin air the wrong way. But Loki paid attention.

He was mildly impressed - not that he'd ever admit it - that the mortals managed to create such a device despite their deficiencies. Even more impressed after he stole it, returned to his rented room, took it apart, and realized there was a 30% chance it would work as believed without unravelling the fabric of the universe. Loki made it 80% with a few adjustments while snacking on pretzels and fruit. He returned the quantum device to the compound the next morning with none the wiser. Not even after Banner came in for an inspection and began cursing Stark under his breath for leaving behind salty crumbs and sticky smears all over it.

Loki was confident in his ability to not only send Thor and himself where they needed to go, but to sufficiently sabotage it on his way out so none could use it after them. He may have gathered up all the particles he could find, but there was no point in leaving anything to chance. Like Odin did when he took a baby from Jotunheim, brought it up believing he was Aesir, and then let him blithely wander all over the Nine Realms and beyond, seemingly hoping nothing ever went amiss that might reveal an awkward secret. For example. Not that Loki was still carrying a grudge. Much.

God of Wisdom and Divination his arse. Even the ravens could've seen it coming. They probably did and didn't bother to mention it. Miserable creatures.

"Loki?"

"What?"

"You're muttering angrily under your breath again. Not that I mind," Thor said quickly. "I've quite missed hearing it. Even if it is about me." Thor paused. "Is it? About me?"

"No, Thor."

Thor brightened. "Can I help?" He gave Stormbreaker a meaningful swing. The volume of battering at the door increased, as did the volume of angry mutterings from outside the room.

"Not the time," Loki decided. He checked that he was ready. He checked that Thor was ready. He waved Thor toward the platform, fiddling with the quantum controls before joining his brother. "Ready?" Thor nodded. The room hummed. The white suits warmed. The door exploded inward. A puff of smoke went up from the quantum device. Avengers poured into the room.

Thor and Loki were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's not mention that I've changed the chapter count again. But do note I've changed the tags a bit. The Odinbros get a bit blood-thirty in the next chapter. But blood-thirsty in a fun way! Because they've earned it. :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re: chapter counts, I swear I'm not doing it on purpose! They just won't shut up. Blood-thirsty fun postponed to the next chapter.

Thor and Loki arrived in the past with ease. Travelling through time, it turns out, was as easy as travelling via the Bifrost. Which did not seem fair. One expected going through time would at least cause some nausea. Perhaps some dizziness or a headache. But no. Loki felt fine. He asked it of Thor.

"The time travel caused me no issue," Thor said, leaning on Stormbreaker. "But to be honest all the swimming has left me tired. "

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"There didn't seem a good time to bring it up."

"Still not a good time to bring it up!"

"I'm also hungry."

Loki turned his back and stripped out of the white suit in as pissy a manner as possible. Not the first time he'd made changing his clothes a passive aggressive strike against his brother. Likely not the last.

Shaking out his cape and inspecting it for any wrinkles that dared appear while travelling Loki reviewed his plan. He'd mapped it all very carefully from time of arrival to their initial destination. His only true concern was getting caught out as not being the Odinsons of this time period. But even that was of little worry. Asgard was not yet destroyed at Hela's hand, but it was close at hand. Their present timeline counterparts were busy trying to survive the Grandmaster. Heimdall was trying to survive Hela and thus - hopefully - unlikely to notice Odin's sons had doubled in number since last he checked. And if he did notice, no matter. They were far away and he was occupied.

Loki took in his surroundings before pointing north. "This way." He set off without waiting for Thor to respond. Thor huffed in annoyance and stomped along behind him.

A short walk across flat lands covered in patchy grass brought them to a town. Perhaps outpost would better describe it since as far as Loki knew, no one actually lived here. But it was a place with excellent amenities for the discerning traveller. There was food, inns, taverns, and many fine establishments where one might purchase companionship for a night. Or thirty minutes.

Loki made for an imposing building in the centre of town. It had thick walls, shatterproof windows, and guards at every conceivable entrance. A discrete sign hung over the main door.

_Golden Crown Bank_

_~ for all your banking & investment needs ~_

"Why are we going there?" Thor whispered at his back. Loki could hardly hear him over the clodding thumps of his enormous feet.

"Why do you think?"

Thor stomped louder as he came up alongside Loki. "Do you mean to rob this place?" He fingered Stormbreaker. "Are you sure that's wise?"

Loki stopped to glare at his brother. "No. We are not going to rob it. We're going to withdraw enough gold to buy travel aboard a ship. Preferable two cabins. One for you to sleep and the other for me to think."

Thor was baffled. He looked at the bank, at their surrounds, and then back at Loki. "Why would you have money here? Where are we?"

Loki glared harder. "You are an idiot. How much have you withdrawn from the royal accounts since you've been on Midgard?" Thor looked blank. "Exactly!" Loki snapped. "This is why I'm not sorry I spoiled your coronation all those years ago. If you'd ever paid any attention to the affairs of ruling you'd know not all of Asgard's wealth was _kept on Asgard._ " Loki hissed out the last few words, overcome by a burning desire to smack his royal fool of a brother upside the head.

So he did.

"Ow!" Thor protested. "What was that for?"

"Because I felt like it."

Thor gaped at him with wounded offence. "How should I know where all Asgard's wealth is kept? That's what father's council was for. We had a treasurer." Thor paused. "What was his name again?"

"Who cares?" Loki didn't remember either. "He made regular reports at council as to the state of Asgard's treasury, including the accounts throughout the galaxy."

"Because it was his task to know these things," Thor said defensively. "Because he was the treasurer!"

Loki scoffed. "You think Odin wasn't listening? Because you certainly weren't."

"Oh, but you were, weren't you little brother?" Thor's tone went mocking in a way that always raised Loki's hackles. "You, who hung off the words of every grey beard in council hoping one of them might see fit to praise you for your diligence in front of Father. Shall I tell you what Father told me one of the many, many times he and I met alone to discuss kingship? He said not to worry overmuch about memorizing every word uttered by my advisors, for they knew their jobs well and would do them while I learned mine."

"And a wonderful job you did at that, Thor," Loki seethed. "Learning so little about Asgard's holdings your people eke out an meagre existence on foreign soil."

"Forgive me for not foreseeing one day I would lose Father, Asgard, and all those counsellors in quick succession. How terrible that I'm not as clever as my brother who must have planned for such an outcome."

"At least I know where our gold is, Thor."

"Why didn't you tell me on the Statesman?"

"I didn't know I was the only one of us who knew, you idiot!"

"I'm not an idiot, you're an idiot!"

Loki slugged him. Thor slugged him back. The guards at the bank eyed them warily. Deciding he didn't care enough to stand there and beat in Thor's stupid, fat head Loki turned sharply on his heel and marched away. Approaching the nearest guard, Loki showed him a small, gilded card he never travelled anywhere without. The guard opened the door, still eyeing them with caution. Thor followed on his heels.

"What is that card?"

"It's for accessing the account."

"I don't have one of those."

"Yes, you do," Loki spit out, showing the card again to the guards at the inner door. The next door opened. "Odin gave us both one."

"I don't remember this," Thor said.

"Probably because it wasn't a hammer."

"Then where is it?"

"I don't know, Thor. I'd say go look in your midden of a room, but that's long past." Loki showed the card for a third time at a reception desk, sitting alone in a foyer decorated with plants populated with colourful birds and life-size golden statues arranged around an equally golden fountain. The woman seated at the desk was plain by comparison, Loki noted with a sniff. Not even a cape or jewels in her hair. He made a note to write to the manager to suggest they made more of an effort in coordinating their staff with the decor.

The woman inspected the card and waved it before a small device set into the desk. A hidden door opened before her and she waved them through with a polite smile. The door led into another foyer much like the outer one except this one was without the reception desk and the receptionist. This fountain was ringed by dancing nymphs. Carved benches were set among the foliage with a napping peacock seated on one. The beast glared and hissed at them for their intrusion. Loki sat on the bench farthest from the bird. Thor took the one next to him. They waited in stony silence.

Or at least they did until Thor remembered he never met a silence he didn't happily break.

"What happens now?"

"We wait," Loki said.

"For what?"

"For someone to come out to meet us."

"Have you done this before?"

Loki hesitated. "Yes."

Thor heard the hesitation. "When?"

"About a month after I received the card. I just wanted to see if it would work," he said testily. He knew Odin's treasurer regularly updated the council and king on the finances of the realm. He did not know the man would also inform Odin personally in case of an unexpected and sizable withdrawal. Like, for example, if the card was used to purchase a moon. He told Thor as much.

"Why did you want a moon?" Thor was baffled.

"I don't want to talk about it," Loki muttered. He hadn't wanted the moon so much as he wanted to shut down its mining operations and evict the dwarves who lived and worked there. Their leader had dared insulted Loki to his face at a feast they'd both been attending in Alfheim. As the elves would've considered it rude for Loki to beat another guest to a bloody pulp, Loki had been forced to go home humiliated. When Odin presented him with the account card it seemed a gift to avenge himself and his pride.

Odin did not agree.

Loki's humiliation was compounded when Odin took away the card, the moon, and forbid him from leaving Asgard for a decade. Eventually he was allowed back the card and his travel, but Odin kept the moon.

This time Odin would not be there to receive the report, nor would the treasurer be there to make one. Loki wondered if Asgard would still be there when this establishment sent its next statement. He spared a moment to feel sad for all the loss before forcing himself to set it aside.

After a long wait another hidden door finally opened to admit them to an airy office. The decor was much like the rest minus the fountain and the peacock but with walls gilded in gold.

"This place is a bit much," Thor muttered. Loki disagreed. He was taking mental notes on the decor and wondering if he could get the decorator's name.

There was a large ornate mirror hung on the wall behind the desk, though whether it was for ambience or security purposes Loki couldn't say. It felt like a mirror, but there was something else to it. Like the receptionist, the plain man seated behind a boring desk did not suit the surroundings in his staid tunic and trousers. The banker wore a small, tacky pin that read _Nin, Client Accounts_.

Nin kept his face arranged in polite interest, but his eyes were dubious as they swept over Thor and Loki seated side-by-side before him. Loki kept his back straight and chin up as he boldly met the banker's eyes. He supposed he couldn't fault the fellow too much for the slightly worried air. Thor's nose was still swollen from the snake bite and his forehead wound had reopened after Loki hit him. Thor was using a corner of his red cape to soak up the blood. When Thor struck Loki he got the eye left undamaged in his tussle with Nebula. When Loki checked his reflection in the mirror both eyes were blackening nicely. He shot a quick glare at Thor which his brother ignored.

Nin greeted them both courteously. One hand hovered over a control panel build into the desk's surface. The other hand, Loki noted, had been gripping the desk's edge since they walked in, fingers curled out of sight. Likely there was a switch on the underside of the desk.

 _Hmm,_ Loki thought, eyeing the mirror further. Security, then. With that in mind Loki gave the banker his most winning smile. Nin did not seem reassured. _This is what you get for trying to be nice to people who are beneath you,_ Loki scolded himself.

"Right," Loki said. "Let's begin. My brother and I are here to make a withdrawal." He slapped the card on the desk beneath the Nin's nose. The man flinched minutely before carefully taking up the card with his free hand like it might explode. He scanned the card across the control panel and a display sprang up before him. Nin looked over the display while handing back the card.

Nin cleared his throat. "Erm, due to the nature of the account I'll require further proof of identity. Bank rules, you understand." Loki submitted to a fingerprint and retinal scan, scoffing at the idea of this being security. Nin then produced a feather and requested Loki change it into pillow. "I have you down as a sorcerer capable of such a working, erm, Prince Loki," he said peering at the display. He looked up at Loki expectedly.

Loki stared at the lone feather. "I require more than this. Unless I'm to make a pillow to suit an ant?" Nin squinted at his display again before rummaging in a desk drawer and coming back with another handful of feathers. With an annoyed huff Loki did as asked. He didn't have this much difficultly buying a moon.

When Loki satisfied the man's requirements, Nin looked to Thor. "You're Prince Thor then? I must say it's an honour. We don't see many crown princes out this way." He gestured at Stormbreaker. "And that must be the famous Mjolnir. I've heard stories about it." He studied the display with a frown. "Strange we have it down as a hammer." He peered at Stormbreaker as if the axe were an impostor.

Loki laid a hand on Stormbreaker. A shimmer of light passed over it and Mjolnir appeared. Loki smiled thinly. "Mjolnir attracts too much attention at times. My brother and I wish to pass through unnoticed." Another dubious look from Nin informed him how successful they were at going unnoticed. Loki grit his teeth and refrained from reaching across the desk for the banker's throat and testing the effectiveness of their security measures.

Showing himself more keen to his brother's moods than Loki thought was fair, Thor intervened. "My brother and I are keen to continue on with our travels. As we are go at the behest of our father we thought it best to move quickly. Showing our faces only as necessary, like in your fine establishment. I'm sure you understand." He bestowed upon Nin a kingly smile.

Nin proved no more immune to the force of Thor's presence than the thousands of other smitten fools Loki'd been forced to witness over the centuries. Nin's hand loosened its grip on the desk's edge and folded with the other on the desktop. Nin was besotted. Loki was nauseous. Thor sat there looking stately and regal, bloody forehead and all. Loki wanted nothing more than to give him two black eyes. But knowing Thor he'd effortlessly carry the look with grace just to spite him. Loki slumped in his seat and despaired at the unfairness of life.

*** * ***

Escaping the bank a short time later Loki was in the process of salvaging his ego. It was a difficult thing, especially after he'd witnessed the horror of Nin shyly asking Thor if he could touch his hammer. Worse was watching Thor allow it with a jovial jest and pat on Nin's shoulder.

Before Nin had a chance to ask Thor to join him in wedded bliss, Loki forced them back on topic and asked Nin to cough up Asgard's money. Sighing as a maid denied her princely suitor Nin glumly filled out the requisite forms. After some wrangling - Nin wanted to give the amount over in credits, Loki wanted gold coins, Thor held no preference - Thor and Loki departed with a mix of credits and gold. They each received a card loaded with credits Nin promised would be accepted most places in the galaxy. Loki squirrelled his away along with most of the gold in his inter-dimensional pocket. They split up the remaining gold.

Nin did not know who decorated the bank, but promised to look into it. In turn, Loki promised to be in touch. Nin did not look delighted. Perhaps Loki shouldn't have mentioned his intent to write Nin's employer regarding the dismal attire worn by employees.

"Now what?" Thor asked when they were outside the bank.

"We eat," Loki said, having listened to Thor's stomach complain for the past hour. Thor perked up. "Then we find a ship to carry us. You can sleep while I plan."

"Where are we going?"

"Nowhere."

"We must be going somewhere," Thor complained.

Loki stomped off in a huff.

*** * ***

"Loki, I'm still hungry."

"I don't care."

"But..."

"Shut up and go to sleep."

Thor did as he was told. Falling quickly into a deep rest. And began to snore. Loudly.

There had only been one cabin left available. They each got a bed, but it mattered little when the force of Thor's snores shook the walls, the floor, and Loki's bed. Being in close proximity also made Loki aware of how much Thor smelled. He should have made the oaf shower before they left Midgard. This miserable little room lacked a bath. Loki slumped down into his cramped little bunk and sulked. He never should have left his ear plugs on Midgard.

*** * ***

Loki swanned into the Collector's gallery with a freshly scrubbed Thor on his heels. Loki had cleaned up as well. His black eyes had healed as did Thor's injuries and Stormbreaker was again disguised as Mjolnir. They were both the sight of proper princes of Asgard, yet the Collector did not look pleased to see them. "Ah," he said with all the joy of a being still mopping up ash from the explosion that levelled his collection years earlier. "Asgardians."

Loki smiled. "Greetings Tanaleer Tivan. I am Loki. This is my brother, Thor. I trust you've heard of us?"

"The sons of Odin Allfather. I am honoured." He did not sound it. "How may I be of assistance?" He pasted on a smile that would have looked more natural on a corpse.

"We're here for the Reality Stone."

The smile vanished. "What?"

"Reality. Very red. Encased in fluid-like matter that has a mind of it's own. Tends to go where it's not welcome and all that. Though I suppose that's true of all the Infinity Stones." Tivan stared at him. "It was sent here a few years ago. Brought by two of our countrymen? In a case about - " Loki held up his hands with palms facing each other, " - this big."

"You..." Tivan sounded pained, "you want it back."

"For a time, yes."

"A time?"

"Oh, we'll bring it back. Won't we Thor?"

"We will?" Loki elbowed Thor in the gut. "We will."

"May I ask why? You sent it here for safekeeping. It is very safe, I assure you." Tivan's attempt at a reassurance was somewhat undermined by his surroundings. Smashed up cases were lying about in hazardous heaps. Piles of remains of what Loki assumed were the rare - now rarer - specimens. Then there was the broom at hand and pile of neatly swept glass at Tivan's feet. Loki eyed the pile of shards. Tivan stepped in front of it. "Pardon the mess. I've not yet replaced my last assistant."

"Quit?" Thor asked.

"Disintegrated."

"That was going to be my next guess."

Loki peeled off and headed down a cluttered aisle. It was no matter to him how far behind Tivan was on his cleaning. If what the woman who gave them directions here upon arrival was believed, Tivan had spent the better part of two years post-explosion huddled in a ball on the ground - furry cape pulled over his head - whilst moaning softly. Loki spent a year in the company of Thanos and his closest allies, but you didn't see him on the ground with his cape over his head. Not that he wasn't sometimes tempted.

Loki strolled along, feigning interest in some of the still intact pieces of the collection. After a moment's hesitation Tivan set aside the broom and hurried after him. "Might I offer refreshments, Prince Loki? For you and your brother. We can retire to a more comfortable area and discuss the matter."

Loki hummed, but made no move to divert from his path. He walked along taking in pieces with Tivan following close behind and Thor bringing up the rear. Loki stopped at a small, squat case which contained a plant with a fiery array of flowers. Literally. The flowers appeared to be on fire.

"Interesting," he said.

Tivan stood next to the case. "Fire orchids from the base of an ancient volcano on a world long abandoned."

"Abandoned, why?"

"The planet is currently being consumed by a black hole."

"How unfortunate."

"I'm sure its inhabitants thought so." Tivan pulled a rag from his sleeve and carefully polished the glass of the case.

"Do you know who would truly appreciate such a thing?" Loki said, tapping his lower lip with one finger. "The Grandmaster."

The glass squeaked under the sudden force of the applied rag. The fire orchids quivered. Tivan stared. "I beg your pardon."

"The Grandmaster," Loki said cheerfully. "Delightful man. Your brother, yes? He spoke of you."

"Did he?" Tivan's voice made Jotunheim seem balmy by comparison.

"So many stories. That man loves to talk."

"I know," Tivan said sourly.

"And welcoming." Right into Muspelheim. "Such hospitality." For the people he wasn't killing. "Charming man." For a psychopath. Loki smiled. Tivan scowled.

"He mentioned something to me about redecorating his palace." It wasn't a complete lie. Loki assumed if the Grandmaster was still on Sakaar - that he survived the uprising Loki had no doubt, nothing short of an asteroid hit would dislodge that man and possibly not even an asteroid would do the trick - he would certainly be setting to work fixing up the palace. Getting the blood of the slaves off the tiles and out the fabrics. Busy work for some poor unfortunate. Loki was just glad the poor unfortunate wasn't him. "He adores unique things. I'll bet he'd love to come visit you and see your collection."

Tivan twitched.

"Next time I stop into Sakaar I'll be sure to let him know I saw you." Loki exuded charm and good manners as well as any prince intent of terrorizing an ancient being into coughing up an object of unparalleled power. One of them anyway.

"No!" Tivan had the fire orchids case in a death grip. "Don't mention me to En. Please."

"Oh?" Loki feigned surprise. "Whyever not? I couldn't possibly return to the man's home as his honoured guest without bringing word of his brother." Also not a complete lie. It would be rude of a guest not to make mention of kin to his host. Of course there was no chance in this or any other restored lifetime Loki'd ever return to Sakaar, but Tivan didn't know that.

He looked to Thor, wondering why he wasn't helping to sing En Dwi Gast's praises. Thor had his face pressed up against one of the glass cases, hands cupped together to peer inside its dark interior. Loki squinted at the case, but saw nothing. He cleared his throat once, twice, before Thor pulled away from the case.

"Is that a giant slug in there?" Thor asked Tivan.

Tivan was still clutching his fire orchids as if the Grandmaster might appear at any moment to snatch them up and saunter out the door with them under his robe. "A cocoon. From the Roniti system."

"Another abandoned planet?" Loki asked.

Tivan paused. "No. Not last I checked. But there's was once a species of underground wyrm there. Hunted to extinction. The cocoon is the last one of their kind."

Loki elbowed Thor aside to press his own nose to the case. "A wyrm? Really?"

"Yes," Tivan said. "Vicious creatures. Would come up from underground and swallow a man whole. And that was just the juveniles. Not terribly surprising they were all killed. But it was made easy by the fact they remain cocooned for a thousand years before emerging."

"How long have you had it?"

"A thousand years."

Loki jerked away from the case. He did a mental inventory of his daggers. He probably had enough to deal with a man eating wyrm. Along with Stormbreaker. Maybe.

"I suppose I'll have to find it a bigger case." Tivan was downcast. "I truly thought the universe would have ended by now."

Thor turned to Tivan with a big smile as he tightened his grip on the disguised Stormbreaker. "So, about the Grandmaster and what we're going to tell him about you and your collection when next we meet?"

Tivan slumped in defeat. "I'll give you the Realty Stone."

"Splendid."

"And En?"

"We were never here," Loki promised. Tivan looked relieved.

*** * ***

"Loki, are you sure this will work?"

"Yes, of course. Why do you keep asking?"

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not going to get hurt."

*** * ***

The plan was simple. Get the Reality Stone. Go to Xandar. Swap the real Power Stone for a false one of Reality's making. Wait for Thanos who never missed the opportunity for a massacre or an Infinity Stone. Stage a battle to make Thanos think he fought his way through the planet's defences until reaching his prize. Let him believe he slaughtered half the planet. Stow away on his ship and kill him.

And so far it was working. Sort of.

Loki didn't count on having to spend so much time arguing with the Xandarians who were less thrilled than the Collector to see them. He'd never encountered people so determined to prevent others from saving them. It might have had something to do with being Asgardian and Odin's sons. It wasn't their fault Odin once appropriated a dozen of their empire's planets to use as military outposts while warring with the Kree. Neither Loki nor Thor had been born yet. They were fine with blaming Hela, but it turns out she hadn't been born yet either.

"Why you complaining?" Loki testily asked of Nova Prime. "It was an eon ago. You got your planets back when Odin was finished crushing the Kree."

"We did not," she snapped back, equally testy. "Those planets are still territories of Asgard."

Oops.

Thor leaned in close to whisper smugly at Loki. "What was that you were saying about a king needing to know about his holdings?" Loki shot him a venomous glare. So he didn't count planets. Asgard had control over so many Loki suspected no one had been keeping track of them even while Odin was alive. Odin himself probably forgot he had most of them.

"You can have them back," Loki offered magnanimously. "Thor will sign a decree on behalf of Asgard. Provided you allow us access to the Power Stone so we can - just to remind you - save all your lives from Thanos."

In the end Nova Prime still didn't like them, but thankfully she disliked Thanos more. The intelligence the Nova Corps had been gathering on Thanos's recent movements causing the Xandarians concern also helped. As did reports from numerous outposts of Thanos's ship on approach to Xandar while they were arguing.

So while Thor affixed his royal seal - "Where's your royal seal?" "I don't have one." "What do you mean you don't have one? You've been king for years." "I never got around to getting one." "Honestly, Thor. Here, use mine. And stop looking at me like that."- to the decrees giving the Nova Empire back their planets, Loki popped open the container holding Reality and called to it. It took up the invitation and flowed into him.

One Power Stone hidden. A truly excellent fake in its place (if he did say so himself). And the rest was in the waiting until Thanos was close enough. Then duelling visions of endless destruction, horror, and death plagued him while tides of red swam over his vision. Loki suspected Reality was giving him a preview of Xandar's future at Thanos's hands even as Loki was busy constructing his own version. He was no stranger to the horror of battle, but some of what he saw disturbed even him.

Once it was over and they made it onto Thanos's ship - Loki had no memory of how they got there - he vomited Reality back into its case. Thor and Stormbreaker helped in cajoling the miserable thing out of him. Loki stowed Reality away in his inter-dimensional pocket for safekeeping, then created a second inter-dimensional fold and quickly moved it there. He'd forgotten he was storing the Tesseract in the first one and best not to tempt them to get up to things together while Loki was busy elsewhere.

Simple.

Except he couldn't stop vomiting.

*** * ***

"Are you all right?"

Thor was brave to ask when Loki wanted to shove a dagger through someone's eye. Thor's. His own. The next being with the misfortune to happen by while breathing. But stabbing anyone was difficult when he was curled over vomiting.

"Do you want some water?" Thor was looking a bit green himself. He never fared well around vomit. Blood, yes. Vomit, no.

"Do you have water?" He knew Thor didn't.

"I can find some." Loki vomited again. Thor cringed. "Maybe we ought to do this part at a later time?"

Loki spit. He waited to see if anything else would come up. Bile was burning in his throat. He spit again. "When, pray tell? Shall we wait until Thanos finds the Statesman? Or seeks Midgard, perhaps?"

Thor brightened if still green. "We can use the device to go to a different time and wait until you are well. Then we'll come back here."

Loki breathed deep. It was a tempting thought. Too much so. His guts churned and he was tired. The Reality Stone was a vicious thing and did not like him well. "No," he said. "I want this over with. We will continue." He struggled upright. Thor was quick to lend his strength to aide him. Loki let him. Just this once. He laughed humorlessly. "You warned me."

"What?" Thor's hands were warm on Loki's arms, holding him steady.

"Years ago. When we were on Svartalfheim. I imagined what I could do with the power of this stone. You said it would consume me."

Thor's hands tightened. "Loki, tell me the truth - how bad is this? Should we find you a healer?"

"Peace, Thor." Loki shook off his hands. "I am well enough."

He would be at any rate. Most likely. Loki wondered if he'd done something wrong while trying to sculpt a reality. If he'd somehow been using the stone in a way that ran contrary to its nature. He didn't think so. It was a Reality Stone. He made a reality with it. He couldn't imagine why the stone would resent him for it.

Perhaps this was a normal side effect to having immersed one's being with such a power. As much as he coveted the Tesseract he'd actually used it very little. He traveled through a portal of its own making. He'd felt awful after arriving upon Midgard, but after time in Thanos's company he hadn't exactly been at his best before stepping into that portal. He'd only used the Tesseract himself once in fleeing Asgard during its destruction. Loki transported himself to the Statesman before it lifted off. Actually, he ended up in the Grandmaster's party craft, docked with the Statesman. He'd felt terrible then too, but had written it off as the consequences of a truly grueling few weeks. Loki had curled up and gone to sleep on a sticky sofa (which he did not care to spend time thinking about), seeking out Thor only after he was refreshed enough to face him. Maybe Infinity Stones were meant to overtax their users.

Or maybe it just hated him.

"Are you certain?"

No. "Yes."

"Are you lying?"

Yes. "No."

Thor looked worried and very much like he was thinking about voicing an objection. His eyebrows scrunched together low over his nose, taking on the appearance of an angry beetle. Thor's "thinking" face. Loki was surprised he didn't strain something. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" The angry beetle was no less angry. In fact, it grew angrier.

"Stop thinking," Loki snapped. He was tired, his head hurt, he might yet vomit again, and he was in no mood for any of Thor's moods. "We both know that's my responsibility."

"You're not always very good at it," Thor said mildly.

Loki was shocked. Worse, he was shocked silent. He'd had many insults levelled his way over the years, yet no one had ever said anything so awful. From his own kin no less.

"I don't mean it as an insult," Thor added, making it worse. "But sometimes your plans don't always work out."

Loki gaped. The assault upon his (not-always-so) innocent person from the man who called him brother and swore he loved him continued.

Thor wasn't done. "Your plan to spoil my coronation went awry. Oh yes, you succeeded admirably in getting the event called off while making Father and I angry with each other. That should have been enough. But no, you couldn't resist baiting me in taking action again the Jotun. You never meant for us to reach Jotunheim, I'm certain. But we did and look what happened to us. I was banished and you accidentally found out you were a frost giant. Your plan to conquer Midgard was absurd at best. You clearly weren't trying. You may as well have turned the mortals vehicles into ice cream for all the success you had.

"Then there was your second death which happened after you just stood there like a stunned donkey and let Kurge impale you. First rule of combat, Loki, don't be a target. You've certainly given me several lifetimes of grief for making myself such. And then there's what happened after I returned to Asgard and found you impersonating Father." He took a breath and opened his mouth to keep going.

"Shut up!" Loki shouted. "You want to compare faults, brother dear? We can compare faults. Though it will surely take me the next century to work through all yours."

"That's not what I'm - "

"Shut UP!" Loki yelled him down, forgetting how much his head hurt for the pleasure of drowning out the lumbering idiot he was foolish enough to bring along. But his head did not forget him. Loki bent at the waist and threw up on Thor's boots. Said boots quickly vanished from his line of sight. Loki heard them hurrying away from him only to stop a moment before the sound of Thor retching floated back on the air.

Loki gasped and spit, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. His nose started to run and he wiped in on his other sleeve. Another outfit to be burned. And Thor was fresh out of houses. He spied Thor bent against a far wall, gagging. "All right?"

"Yeah," Thor gasped. "You?"

"Yeah."

"Good. That's good."

They were both lying.

*** * ***

They'd made a terrible mess in one of the lower sections of Thanos's flagship.

After abandoning the first room they fouled Thor and Loki had to find a fresh new hiding place. Only the second room had a rattle in a wall. Or floor. Or ceiling. Somewhere. A steady and loud metallic rattle. Loki wanted to rip the room apart to make it stop. Then he wanted to gouge out his own eyeball to stop the stabbing pain in his side of his head. But Thor wouldn't allow it.

"Let go!"

"Give me the dagger!"

"I have to make it stop!"

"Loki, leave your eye alone!"

"Why? Because you're the only one idiotic enough to run around with one eye?"

"I did get a second one."

"Who cares?"

"And you're forgetting Father."

"If only I could."

"Stop it!"

"Leave off, Thor!" Thor did not leave off. So really it was his fault Loki threw up again.

The third room they tucked themselves into turned out not to be as unused as they thought.

"Where are your daggers?"

"You took them away!"

"One! I took one! You always have more. Get one and stab it!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"Help me kill it and I will!"

Loki did. But the thing had a bigger friend.

"Run faster!"

"You said you'd stop yelling at me!"

"I lied!"

The fourth room was more a closet.

"Whatever possessed you to gain so much weight?"

"I don't know. I was sad and felt a failure. I suppose I thought nothing mattered anymore."

"Couldn't find a more constructive way to deal with that than eating yourself triple?"

"I suppose I could have thrown myself off a bridge into the void of space instead."

"Very nice."

"You started it."

"I did not."

"I beg to differ."

"Shut up and suck in your gut. You're taking up all the space."

"You shut up. There's plenty of room. We got your mouth in here didn't we?"

"Surprised there was any room for my small toe after loading your oversized body and ego through the door."

The fifth room housed a creature that reminded Loki uncomfortably of the Other.

"I think it's dead, Loki. You can stop stabbing it."

The sixth room had food and water. They stole all of it and scuttled up to the next level.

The seventh room was normal. No noises. No hidden surprises. No monsters under the bed. Just a small, tidy room with two beds set in the wall, one over the other.

"How do you feel?" Thor asked, chewing on a bar of something neither of them could identify.

Tired. Sore. Drained. "I'm fine." Loki drank the water slowly, and ate his unidentifiable bar even slower.

"Take a bed," Thor said. "Rest for a time. I'll keep watch."

Loki shook his head. "There's no time."

"Loki, you crafted a false reality of an invasion and devastation of a planet well enough to fool Thanos. He thinks he leaves Xandar beaten and with the true Power Stone in his possession. You've earned a rest."

Loki didn't argue. Not that he couldn't, of course. He was born to argue. His tutors often said so. And he certainly wasn't shy about arguing with Thor. Thor never won an argument with him and he never would. Loki would win this argument as well if he so chose. He just didn't feel like it.

He went to bed and slept.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the rest. As always, they wouldn't shut up.

"Loki?" There was a chattering gnat nearby. "Loki?" The gnat poked him. He ignored it, willing himself to drift back into oblivion. "Loki?" Another poke. The gnat was begging to be swatted. "Loki?"

"What?!" Loki woke sitting up and slapping at Thor's poking hand.

"Good, you're awake." Thor had the nerve to look bright-eyed and well-rested while sitting on the edge of Loki's bed.

"Yes, Thor. I am awake. Now get off my bed." Loki shoved him onto the floor and burrowed back down. The pillow smelled worse than Thor did when Loki returned from Valhalla, the mattress was intolerably hard, and the blanket thin and scratchy. He wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. He closed his eyes.

Thor poked him again. Loki hissed. Thor ignored his ire, as usual, at his own peril. Thor sighed. "If you wish to sleep some more, you can," he said. "But you were keen on not travelling back through time again and I fear we will have to if we do not move on soon."

Loki opened his eyes. He pushed himself out of bed.

"How are you feeling?" Thor asked, handing Loki water and another bar.

"Better." He downed the water and tore into the bar. Now that his stomach was no longer threatening to expel itself upward Loki was ravenous.

"Truly?"

"Truly. I overextended myself using the Reality Stone. Food and rest will..."

"...help you recover," Thor finished. "I remember." He handed over another bar. Loki took it with silent thanks.

Loki drank more water and was soon chewing through a third bar. He took stock of himself. His head still ached, though not as bad as previous. He was still tired and his magic felt strange and stretched, but he was functional. A small voice in his head reminiscent of Frigga chided him for not taking better care of himself. Loki knew he was in no fit shape to take on Thanos, but felt strangely more ready than he'd ever been. A part of him wanted to weaken and use their particles to go back a few days to give him more time to prepare. Another part was antsy and wanted to get this over with. Loki let the latter guide him.

He ran a critical eye over Thor who looked no less antsy than Loki felt. Stormbreaker in hand. Ready for a fight. Thor looked as he should. Loki smiled. "Ready to go kill things?"

Thor's answering smile was blinding. "I am if you are."

"I am."

It was time.

*** * ***

They made their presence known by killing everyone they encountered over three decks. The first member of the Black Order to reach them was Corvus Glaive.

"Loki," he sneered. "I look forward to delivering your worthless -"

Thor took his head off.

Loki wiped a smear of blood from his cheek. "You might've let me get a hit in."

"Sorry," Thor said. "You can have the next one." Loki stepped over Glaive's head and killed the next thing that came around the corner. And the next ten things after it.

Two more levels of death and carnage brought them face to face with Proxima Midnight. Her lip curled at the sight of Loki. Thor gave him an _after you_ wave. Loki inclined his head in thanks.

"Miserable trickster," Proxima levelled her spear at him. "You will pay a heavy price for your failure." She fired. The shot went through the double Loki had left in place. Standing behind the double, Thor dove out of the way and the blast struck the wall.

"I think not," Loki told Proxima at her back. His first dagger sliced into the base of her neck and severed her spine. The second dagger was plunged to the hilt into her head via the ear. Loki pulled the daggers free and Proxima dropped lifelessly to the ground, the spear falling along with her.

He and Thor continued on. Hacking, stabbing, slashing, and beheading. Stepping over corpses to make new ones on floor after floor. The corridors ran slick with blood, body parts, and things more grotesque. Thor and Loki were similarly bathed in the blood and cries of their victims.

They were having such a good time.

Thor hacked at one of the heads of a slithering creature that filled the corridor before them. "It's been far too long since I've had this much fun."

Loki agreed. "Reminds me of Niflheim." He sliced off one of the creature's tentacles.

"The incident with Volstagg and the fog demons?"

"No. Hogan and the venom spitting spiders."

Thor roared with laughter. "I'd almost forgotten! I though Hogun was going to return to Vanaheim and never speak to any of us ever again." He attacked another head with Stormbreaker.

Loki dodged a flailing tentacle, almost tripping over the growing pile of severed tentacles and heads. "Then he would have missed Volstagg and the fog demons."

They lunged at the creature and cut its final head off together.

Another level up and a set of hacked apart doors brought them into a corridor teaming with writhing creatures that seemed more teeth than anything else. They rounded on Thor and Loki as one. Loki stepped out of Thor's way. "After you, brother." Thor grinned and lit up up with lightning. Stormbreaker hit the ground and surge of power leaped forward, frying half the creatures at once. Thor quickly followed, plunging headlong into the heaving mass. Within minutes it was over. The corridor was scorched and stank of cooked blood and burning flesh. Among it all Thor stood tall and victorious, his teeth gleaming in triumph.

Loki picked his way through the corpses. "Yes, very good. But unless you need a rest we're not done."

The next corridor was suspiciously empty. The one after it was not. Ebony Maw sighed at the sight of him, looking Loki over like a naughty child. "What a disappointment you are," he said. "You were so lost when you came to us. Thanos had such hopes for you."

Loki's skin crawled at the reminder. His experiences with Maw were few for which Loki was thankful as none had been pleasant. He forced himself to smile. "He need not fear. I'm no longer lost. I'm sure your master will be delighted to hear it. I'm on my way to tell him right now."

"I think not." Maw raised a hand and strips of metal began peeling off the walls. Loki back up a step to assess. Thor raised Stormbreaker in defence. A look of satisfied smugness came over Maw's face and Loki's instincts screamed in alarm a breath before something slammed into Thor with enough force to send him sprawling. Then the metal strips were coming at Loki, forcing him to focus on defending himself. He used magic to shred the strips into blades before any reached him and sent them flying back at Maw. Another gesture from Maw and the blades swept aside and lodged in the wall.

There was fighting going on somewhere behind him, but Loki dared not take eyes off Maw to look. The sound of blows and angry grunts told him Thor was holding his own. Booming footsteps and strange guttural words gave identity to his opponent - Cull Obsidian.

"I see you brought your favourite pet," Loki said.

Maw studied him. "I see you brought yours. Thor. Isn't that his name? I remember you crying out for him."

Loki went cold and then hot as he seethed. "Die."

He made the floor lurch beneath Maw's feet. Maw stumbled and Loki ran at him, slashing out with a dagger. He caught Maw along one cheek and across both hands as Maw brought them up palms out and Loki was being flung backwards. He crashed into Thor, taking them both down. Cull Obsidian picked Loki up by one leg and threw him back toward Maw. Loki hit the ground and skidded to a halt near Maw's feet.

The floor heaved up again, but this time to hold Loki in place as metal parts wrapped around arms and legs. Maw look down on him. "The great Thanos offered you much. In his service you would have found true purpose when before you were nothing. Now you will find only death should he see fit to grant it to you."

"I've found death does not suit me," Loki said. "And I have found purpose. In being me."

Loki had enough freedom of movement to made a small gesture. A mess of snakes appeared and made for Maw's feet. With another gesture Loki slipped from the bonds in snake form, slithering off while Maw was hastily stepping out of the way of the snakes coming at him. The snake illusions faded when Maw kicked at them. By then Loki was back in his own form and standing behind the other sorcerer. It was the work of a moment to seize Maw and slit his throat. While Maw choked and gasped and staggered Loki stayed in close and stabbed him thrice in the chest before cutting off both his hands. Maw slid to the ground. Daggers dripping with blood, Loki stood over him and watched him die.

As Maw breathed his last breath there was an enormous, wall-rattling bellow that ended abruptly and was followed by a crash somewhere down the corridor. Loki kept his eyes on Maw. A shadow came up behind him, falling over Maw's body. Thor laid a hand on Loki's shoulder.

"Cull Obsidian?"

"Dead. I cut him in half."

Loki made an approving noise. He watched Maw a while longer. Thor stood quietly at his side.

"Thanos?" Thor asked at last when Loki stirred away from Maw's lifeless form.

"Thanos," Loki agreed. They set off again.

*** * ***

The path to Thanos was neither clear nor easy. Thor and Loki fought their way through four more decks before they came upon the flight deck at the heart of the ship. Catching sight of them the guards stationed before the closed doors stiffened in alarm. As well they should. The brothers were soaked in blood. Clothes, boots, capes, armour. Loki suspected there were entrails in his hair and it was making him cranky. Thor crackled with lightning and storm, the smell of ozone and death filling the air. They smiled savagely at the guards.

"Hello," Loki said.

"Nice flight, isn't it?" Thor asked.

The guards hefted blasters and lunged. A swing of Stormbreaker caught the first one and split his chest open before he had a chance to fully raise his weapon. A second swing took off another's head just as he fired and missed. Loki let his daggers fly and downed three before they got off a shot. Another he set ablaze with a fireball. The rest fired and fired and fired as Thor and Loki cut them down one after another. Some blasts found a mark, ripping leather and flesh to sting fiercely. Most hit their armour and dissipated harmlessly. The last standing guard fired frantically, whimpering, as Thor bore down on him. Thor backhanded him with enough force to break his neck and the guard dropped to lie dead with the rest.

Thor contemplated the sealed doors to the flight deck. "Do you know how these open?"

"No," Loki said. "Break them." Thor did.

Clamouring through the hole Stormbreaker made they found Thanos standing alone on the flight deck. Arms at his sides, back to them, contemplating the passage of stars through a projection taking up one wall. The gauntlet firmly on one arm. A purple shine taking up on of the slots.

Thor pointed Stormbreaker at him. "Thanos!"

Thanos was slow to turn to face them, unconcerned with their presence. Loki's hackles rose at the reminder of the Titan's calm arrogance. His surety that nothing and no one posed any threat to him. Thanos's eyes flicked over Thor and settled on Loki.

"Loki," he said, "you show your face at last. You must grow weary of your own existence."

"You will not threaten my brother so," Thor growled. Thanos barely spared him a glance.

"Do you bring me what I sent you to seek?" Thanos raised the gauntlet so Loki might see the waiting spaces.

Loki smiled grimly. "I do not."

"I see," Thanos said. "You are a disappointment. I suppose I should not be surprised. Failure is in your life's blood. But not for much longer."

Thor threw Stormbreaker with a roar. Thanos used the gauntlet to bat the axe aside and Stormbreaker slammed into a wall. Thor summoned it back, teeth bared and radiating violence.

"Two fools," Thanos sneered at them. "Here to strike me down. As if others have not tried and failed. I don't need this," the purple stone glowed obediently," to kill you both. But it will help." He twisted the gauntlet, aimed at them, and...

Nothing.

Thanos stared at purple stone in confusion. It was Loki's turn to sneer. "Now who's the fool?"

Thanos raged. "What have you done?"

"You mocked me for my _trickery_ ," Loki advanced on Thanos slowly. "You called me _weak_." He stopped. "But I'm not so weak I cannot trick a madman into thinking he has a real Infinity Stone." Loki lashed out with his daggers, cutting Thanos on his arms and face. Thor rushed into the fray with Stormbreaker at the ready.

Thanos caught Loki by the hair and threw him at his brother. Thor stumbled in catching him, nearly dropping Stormbreaker, before righting himself and Loki. But it was enough time for Thanos to retrieve a weapon of his own. He faced them with a double-bladed sword, edges gleaming wickedly. Thanos lunged, slashing viciously and pushing them back. Thor met him with Stormbreaker while Loki looked for opportunities to strike.

Loki threw daggers. Thanos deflected. Thor swung Stormbreaker. Thanos blocked. Loki threw magic at his legs to trip him. Thanos hurled the sword at his head. Thor struck again. Thanos punched him in the head before Thor could land a blow. Thor punched back. Loki sliced at Thanos's legs, cutting the backs of his knees. Thanos roared and grabbed for his throat. Loki danced out of the way. Thanos punched Thor again before regaining his sword. Stormbreaker met the sword again and again before Thor got Thanos to drop his weapon by way of cutting off the hand holding it. The sword hit the ground with a great clatter.

Thor held Stormbreaker to Thanos's throat and forced him to his knees. Loki circled around to stand at his brother's side. "Have you last words?" Thor asked.

"Kill me," Thanos grit out, "and you doom the universe to unbalance. Without me to bring order world after world will descend into chaos and death. I can put them on the path to prosperity."

"By killing them." Thor was disgusted.

"Only half. The rest will thrive."

Loki rolled his eyes. It wasn't really appropriate but he couldn't help it. "Oh, please. All the times I was forced to listen to this nonsense. _Killing half of all life will fix everything_ ," he mocked. "As if it'll fix anything at all."

Thanos glared hatefully at him. "You ignorant little..."

"No, you're the ignorant one," Loki said. "Not to mention short-sighted." Thanos looked startled. Loki wondered if anyone had ever pointed out that particular shortcoming before. "With all the Infinity Stones at your disposal you could kill half of all life." He paused. "You could also increase resources so there would be more food. Or redistribute what exists now so it's shared equally."

"That would only encourage..." Thanos tried. Loki cut him off.

"Yes, yes. More food, more people. Possibly. But so what? The universe is not running out of room any time soon. It's not for some genocidal egomaniac to choose what are acceptable population levels. That's for gods to decide."

Thor made a face. "Not really."

"Yes, really," Loki snapped. "And when we want the help of some up jumped tyrant who's still carrying a petty grudge against his home planet for rejecting his mass genocide scheme we'll _ask_."

"Titan..." Thanos tried again.

"Was overpopulated, yes I heard you the first dozen times. Not enough food. Some people would put their efforts to finding ways to create better crops. Others would make peace with their neighbours and work together towards a solution. And yet another would kill half of all life - _including life that makes up food_. And departed when he inevitably failed. Did he use his travels to help his home world? Find new resources? A new planet to live on? Why, no. Instead he returned years later with an army to force Titan into extinction. All so you could look about smugly to declare how right you were about their impending doom."

Thanos paled. It might have been from blood loss. Loki chose to believe it was his words. He smiled. "That part doesn't quite make into your egotistical myth-making does it?"

Thor pressed Stormbreaker into Thanos's neck. "Is this true?"

"It had to be done," Thanos gasped. "If I hadn't they would've suffer a long, slow death. It was mercy."

Loki curled his lip in disgust. "Mercy. You don't know the meaning. Thor, kill him." Thor drew back Stormbreaker enough to swing and -

An enraged shriek pierced the air.

The three of them turned their heads to see Nebula rushing at them. She snatched up her father's sword and raised it to strike. Thor gripped Loki's shoulder to pull him out of the way with one hand while hefting Stormbreaker with the other, putting his weapon between them and the charging Nebula. She brought the sword down in a mighty swing.

And struck Thanos.

Thor and Loki were hit with the first spray of blood as well as the second when Nebula brought the sword down on Thanos again. They stumbled out of range before the third spray caught them.

Thanos was on the ground, crying out with every strike. "Daughter," he groaned after she struck him for the fourth time. "Stop."

Nebula uttered an animalistic cry of wordless rage. She struck down on Thanos with his own sword over and over. "I - " The sword cut off the gauntleted arm. " - am not - " She cleaved off part of his face. " - your - " A blade buried itself in his belly. " - DAUGHTER!" Nebula howled as she brought down the sword on Thanos's neck and separated his head from his body. Finally, she stopped and leaned on Thanos's sword while heaving great gulps of air.

Thor and Loki stared dumbfounded at the grisly scene before them.

"I was going to do that," Thor finally said. Loki nodded. That was the plan. He told Thor so. "Well, your plans do have a history of going awry."

"I know," Loki sighed. It was fortunate he was good at improvising.

Nebula eyed them across Thanos's corpse. She was considerably less bloody than the pair of them. It seemed unfair they'd done all the work up until this point only to lose their kill to her. But at least Thor and Loki could say they tasted the Mad Titan's blood. More of it than they wanted.

"Loki," she said.

"Nebula."

She looked over Thor. "I don't know you."

"I am Thor, son of Odin," Thor greeted her graciously.

"We are not at a feast," Loki complained.

"We could be. We can bring Nebula along and celebrate her slaying of Thanos."

"Must you always be thinking of food?"

"I always get hungry after battle."

Nebula cleared her throat. "Don't let me interrupt. I only came to kill him. I'll be going."

"How did you get here?" Thor asked.

"How did you?"

"We snuck aboard when Thanos was departing Xandar."

Nebula looked to the gauntlet. "Never fear," Loki assured her, "it's not a real one."

She stared at him unblinking. "How?"

Loki smiled grimly. "Tricks."

Nebula snorted and made to leave, releasing the double-bladed sword and letting it fall to the ground beside its former wielder. "If you found a way onto this ship then you can find a way off. A word of warning. There are a great many creatures aboard this ship kept in stasis. Races enslaved and modified for fighting. They're here and ready to be unleashed. I suggest you leave them as they are. Unless you wish to see the carnage they are capable of bringing."

Loki acknowledged this with a nod. The Reality Stone had already made him aware of this, at least in part. But he saw no point in trying to explain the finer points of fabricated realities and time-travel to Thanos's adopted daughter. She didn't seem the type to be interested. Plus by the time he'd nodded his head she was already out the door.

"Well," Loki said cheerfully. "That's that. Thor?" Thor was standing over the pieces of Thanos. "It's over, brother. He's dead and his insanity will never come to fruition. We've won."

"Yes," Thor said quietly. "I suppose we have." He met Loki's eyes and smiled. "Now what?"

"You heard Nebula, this ship is full of waiting death. So we find a way to make it explode and return to our own time. Oh, that reminds me I need to write a letter before we go back." Loki looked about. He doubted Thanos kept any parchment handy. Uncivilized menace.

"Are you sure this will alter things as you said? My friends have very different ideas about the flow of time."

"Please," Loki scoffed. "What do mortals know of time?"

*** * ***

Their return was not exactly the same as their departure. For one thing, their minds were suddenly much more crowded with additional memories. Five years worth. For another, they did not return to the same place.

A dark haired woman shrieked at the sight of them. She snatched up a screwdriver and pointed it at them. "Who the fuck are you?" she shouted. "Where did you come from?"

"This is not the Avengers compound," Thor said to Loki.

"No shit!" the woman said.

"I can see that," Loki told his brother. In killing Thanos in the past they removed the need for the Avengers to build their time travel machinery. As such, the device Loki altered no longer existed. And now he had a memory of having altered a different device to aid them in returning. A memory of doing so in this exact workspace.

"Pardon our intrusion, madam. We'll be going." Loki graced her with his most charming smile. She didn't look impressed. Loki reached for Thor's arm, preparing to haul them out with magic when the door slammed open and a man armed with a spatula rushed in.

"Hope! You okay? What's...oh. Hey, guys." Scott Lang waved at them with the spatula.

The woman - Hope - didn't lower the screwdriver an inch. "You know them?"

"Yeah," Lang stepped up beside her and waved the spatula between them in introduction. "Hope, this is Thor and Loki. Thor, Loki, this is Hope."

Hope lowered the screwdriver. "This is Thor?" She peered at him. "He looks different than on TV."

Loki pointedly did not look at Thor's gut.

"Sorry for the yelling," she went on. "But how did you get in here?"

"A long story, I'm afraid," Loki said.

"Oh," Lang said, doing his own peering squint at Thor. "You look...good. A bit different than when I last saw you. Not sure about the suits. White's not a good colour for either of you. Didn't you used to have an eyepatch?"

Loki held back a grimace. He's forgotten about that. He should have gouged out one of Thor's eyes before returning.

Thor gingerly touched the eye Rocket gave him in the old timeline. "I did."

"Huh. Looks good. And hey - nice axe." Lang gestured at Stormbreaker with the spatula. "Never saw that before."

"A gift. From a friend," Loki said quickly. Not a lie. It had been true in the previous timeline.

Lang seemed content with the explanation. He also seemed to notice he carried a spatula. "I was just...um. It's almost dinnertime. You guys want to stay?"

"A kind offer," Thor said. "As much as Loki and I would enjoy your hospitality, I'm afraid we must return to New Asgard. It's been a long journey."

Lang's eyebrows went up. "Were you guys off world or something?"

"Or something. It is as Loki said, a very long story."

They exchanged farewells as the mortals walked them out of the building. "Need a ride anywhere?" Lang asked.

"No need," Loki promised.

"Oh, right. Magic." Lang turned to the woman. "Loki never has to deal with airlines Or customs."

"Sounds handy," Hope said.

With further farewells Loki grabbed Thor's arm and slipped them away a short distance. With a silent gesture telling Thor to remain, Loki returned to the now empty room where he undid the spellwork over the device there before returning to Thor. Time travel on Midgard was no more. Unless one held the Time Stone. Loki had not yet gotten around to stealing it. But it was on his list of things to do in the future. If only to annoy Strange.

"Done?" Thor had already removed his white suit. Loki nodded and used a twist of magic to remove his suit and then destroyed them. He reached for Thor's arm again and took them home.

*** * ***

New Asgard was much much bigger than either of them remembered and yet, at the same time, exactly the same.

"This feels odd," Thor said. Loki had to agree. "By the way, it occurs to me this shouldn't have worked. We shouldn't have been able to come back the same way. The means to travel through time do not exist here."

"True," Loki said. "Except I remember how the mortals did it."

"But how did you...?"

"I wrote a letter to myself." Thor was baffled. "After we destroyed Thanos's ship and returned to Xandar, remember?"

"I remember Nova Prime not being pleased to see us back," Thor said. "Not even a thank-you-for-saving-us-from-destruction feast."

"They were ungrateful," Loki agreed. Annex a dozen planets once and the descendants would hold a grudge for all time. Who knew? They should held back a planet or two. "But they were the nearest mostly non-hostile system and I needed time to write. I certainly didn't want to do it on Thanos's ship. There was blood and body parts everywhere."

"You were writing to...you?"

"Of course I was writing to me. How else do you think we made it back? I explained what had happened the first time around with Thanos, what we were doing about it, and what we required to return to this time. I contacted Nin to have it attached it to Asgard's account. I knew as soon as we made it to Midgard aboard the Statesman and settled in I'd find a way to the nearest branch to get some gold. Stealing Stark's coin is amusing, but he doesn't have very much and I wouldn't want to leave him destitute."

"Kind of you."

"Not really. If I did Stark would only show up here and whine miserably. Why put myself through that?"

"How did you know you would believe you? Or even do as you asked?"

"Because as I explained to myself this point in the timeline is the critical juncture at which the other you and I would become us."

Thor gave him a blank look.

Loki huffed. "You remember your other life lived, yes? Two sets of memories of the same five year period?"

"Yes," Thor said cautiously. "This time last month you were dead. And also this time last month you and Valkyrie came to blows in a council meeting. It feels a bit crowded."

"You'll get used it to," Loki said dismissively. But Thor was right. It was crowded. "If the other me didn't follow my instructions for finding and altering that quantum device for us to return, then when we went past that critical juncture in the timeline they would cease to be here because you and I were not. You see?"

Thor's eyes glazed over.

"I explained all this to you on Xandar!" Loki snapped. "I knew I would have no choice but to do as I said because I included all the math. I raged for days after reading that stupid letter and redid the math again and again trying to find a way around it because I didn't want to be in the past. It was bad enough the first time."

Thor's eyebrows went into angry beetle mode. "Wait, is that why you so irritable shortly after we arrived on Midgard? And why you kept writing on the walls of the Avengers compound while we stayed there before coming here?"

Loki was incredulous. "What did you think I was doing?"

"I was afraid to ask," Thor said.

"I hardly had any choice in the matter once I realized I wasn't wrong. I waited until the date grew near and went off to alter the quantum device."

"Is that were you went the night before last? Heimdall was sure you were up to something."

"Well, he wasn't wrong."

"You shouldn't keep hiding from his sight. You make poor Heimdall paranoid." Thor was smiling.

"Good."

"Thor. Loki."

 _Of course._ Loki turned. "Greetings, Watchman. A fine day." The sky was weighed heavy with dark clouds and it was raining.

Heimdall gazed at him inscrutably before settling on Thor. He looked him - and Stormbreaker - over and frowned. "I see. An interesting tale, I'm sure."

Thor laid a hand on Heimdall's shoulder. "One I will be all too glad to share with you. But not this day."

Heimdall gave his sovereign a regal nod before departing. His sovereign's heir didn't even get that much. Loki glared at Heimdall's retreating back. Heimdall stopped and turned back. "Loki," he said. "Well done." He was gone before Loki recovered enough to close his mouth.

*** * ***

In the following days Thor and Loki settled back into New Asgard. The current version. Or at least Thor was settling. Loki hadn't spent much time in the previous version. But the one he had a hand in creating was impressive. Especially the palace of the king.

In the footnotes to his letter to himself Loki included the name of the bank decorator he'd wrangled from Nin, as well as sketches of what he'd planned for Thor's new home in the original timeline. Part of him was put out he wouldn't get to finish it, but he got over it in remembering that, yes, he would. Upon re-arriving in New Asgard, Loki was pleased to see - and remember - that his enthusiasm for details came to fruition.

Asgard's palace was an awe-inspiring wonder. As any good palace should be. Loki had overseen the construction of every room. Picked every furnishing. Commissioned every work of art. Oversaw the planting of every bloom. It had been the work of years, but was still done quickly by Asgardian standards.

Loki was lounging beneath an apple tree in the palace's gardens. The gardens were as meticulous as they were magnificent. Every tree, every blade of glass, every flower was magically imbibed with perfection. At the garden's centre was a towering golden fountain. Atop the fountain stood a majestic statue of Frigga, a crown of golden flowers sitting upon her brow as she gazed out over the beauty of the gardens planted in her honour.

Loki was eating an apple while reading his personal, signed copy of _The Winds of Winter_. It was not yet available in stores, but the author was kind enough to send him an advanced copy. No doubt this was in thanks for Loki's many unannounced visits to his home to check on the writing progress. Not to mention the visits to various cabins, hotel rooms, friends' homes, the deserted island, and the underground bunker. One time Loki found Martin hiding in Tony Stark's basement. Stark's charmingly suspicious children were not easily bribed in betraying their guest. But Loki prevailed. It was almost enough to make him want children of his own.

The Loki who lived hadn't had as much time to read in the past five years as the Loki who died, but he did have better access to newer releases. Valhalla was hopelessly behind in that respect. Something Loki was going to make a point of addressing the next time he died. Nonetheless Loki was as annoyed in this timeline to find the books unfinished as he had been in the previous one. The writer in this timeline didn't even have the excuse of having been snapped out of existence by Thanos.

So engrossed in his reading, Loki missed Thor's approach. "I've been meaning to ask, did building all this drain the treasury?" Thor looked back over the gardens at the palace. "I don't recall asking the first time around."

"You didn't. And no. Of course not." Loki's moon cost less. And he'd been pleased to discover in recent years he still owned it. The dwarves who lived there now were a different lot than when the moon was first purchased due to a coup and a great deal of killing. Loki was somewhat put out he didn't get to partake in any of it. The moon was still being actively mined and they eventually came to an agreement in which the dwarves paid taxes in exchange for Asgard not showing up on their rock and demonstrating their superior killing skills. An arrangement which left Loki so smug thereafter it made Thor and his council nervous for weeks.

"Did Tony Stark pay for this?"

"No." Only for a few select items. Gifts, really. Chosen by Loki. One day Stark might even get to see what he bought. Most recently Stark purchased a lovely marble bird bath Loki set out behind the palace next to a statue of Odin.

Thor frowned. "Tony called me last week. Yelling something about birds and not being able to design a fraud-proof credit system. I couldn't understand what he was saying. He might have been crying."

"He's a strange man, Thor," Loki said. "You shouldn't associate with such people. You are a king, after all."

"So you keep saying. At least, the you who didn't die kept saying."

"That was me."

"So the you who did die and came back keeps saying."

"Also me." Thor frowned harder. He was going to sprain something if he kept that up. "Do I need to explain it again?"

"No," Thor said hastily. "Every time you do it gets more confusing."

"It'll get less so in time."

"I suppose. I shouldn't like to feel as if present me replaced past me forever."

"You haven't. It was always you."

"You're very sure?"

Loki sighed. "Yes. For the hundredth time. I am sure. I did the math."

"You keep saying that as well. How come you didn't show me this math?"

"Oh, please," Loki scoffed. "We both know math ability is not your strongest attribute. It's why you tell people you're so much older than me." A slow smile crept across Thor's face. Loki was immediately on guard. "What?"

"I know all too well how old _I_ am, little brother," Thor smirked. "But I fear you've lied about your age so many times you've forgotten how old _you_ are.

"I _beg_ your pardon. I have never lied about my age."

"That's a lie."

"Name one time."

"You celebrated turning 600 three times."

"I did not."

"You did," Thor said easily. "And when Mother and Father threw your millennium celebration, you told everyone who would listen they'd gotten the years mixed up and you were only 950."

"I was only 950!"

"I hardly think Father - not to mention the scribes - forgot the year he returned to Asgard from Jotunheim. Especially since, as it turns out, you came with him." Loki huffed indignantly. "In fact," Thor went on, "you have been lying about your age since before you came of age. I used to think it was cute, but now I'm concerned." Thor put on a mock concerned face. "It's as I've always feared - your lies have muddled your senses."

"I'm not the only who can't figure out his own age, Thor," Loki shot back. "That's you! I know how old I am."

"I don't think you do," Thor sing-songed.

"Shut up."

"Nope. I'm going to tell everyone."

Loki sputtered. "Well, I'm going to tell everyone you're bad at math."

"That's mature," Thor laughed. "I would tell you to grow up, but apparently you don't know how. One day I'll be ancient and grey and you'll be busy magicking the grey out of your hair while telling everyone you're not a day over 1000."

Loki hurled an apple at his head. "Magic this." Thor caught the apple and took a bite. Loki eyed him. "Have you run today?"

"I will run later. Before night falls. I am busy now, you know. I had a council meeting this morning."

"You were busy before," Loki said primly. "Being a drunkard and a glutton. That's how you got yourself into such a state."

"Good thing my annoying sibling returned from the dead to aid me. At least in one version."

"Unfortunate I couldn't think of a way to keep the other version of your form. He knew how to keep his shape."

"Unfortunate both versions of you have been equal pains in my arses." Thor finished the apple and threw the core at Loki. Loki magicked it away from him before it got close.

"You're lucky to have me."

"I am." Thor smiled a big, sappy grin.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Don't get maudlin on me."

"I wouldn't dare." Thor glanced around them. "It's all so strange. I remember losing you to Thanos and then myself to despair. But I also remember building all of this with you at my side. I remember feeling as though I'd never be happy again, and yet so many times I thought I couldn't be happier."

"What did I just say?"

"I'm not being maudlin. The last years have been terrible. But also wonderful. We lost so much, but we made it through. Here we are. I think Mother would be proud of us. Father, too."

"I suppose," Loki conceded. If anything Odin would be pleased Loki got Thor back on track, if somewhat unconventionally. But if the Allfather wanted things done in a conventional manner he'd never have sent Loki.

"I have so much to be grateful for," Thor was maudlining on. Loki looked for another apple to throw at him. Or a rock. "But I cannot help but wish at least some of my friends had survived Hela. The Warriors Three. Sif. I do miss them."

Loki made a face. "What?" Thor asked.

"You'll be cross, but I swear I forgot!"

"About what?"

"Sif."

"What about Sif?"

Loki told him. Thor started shouting.

"You forgot you exiled Sif?!"

"I have been very busy!" Loki shouted back.

"It's been years!"

"And I've been busy!"

"That's no excuse!"

"Yes, it is!"

After some more shouting along with arm waving and thrown apples, Loki cast a double and tried to sneak off. Thor caught him in a heartbeat.

"I liked it better when you couldn't tell which was me," Loki said, words muffled.

"Those days are past," Thor said from his position holding Loki face-down in the dirt.

Thor demanded they retrieve Sif immediately and Heimdall was summoned. When Heimdall couldn't find her Loki - still spitting out dirt - remembered the spell he cast over Sif for this exact reason.

"I could hardly have Sif alerting Heimdall to her location, could I?" Loki defended himself while he thought of how to circumvent such a long-distance casting without killing Sif or himself. He settled for casting a star map and pointing. After a bit of squinting Heimdall managed to locate her.

"You stranded her in an asteroid belt?" Thor was incensed all over again.

"I wasn't going to leave her there forever," Loki insisted. "It's not my fault I was distracted with the destruction and rebuilding of Asgard. And in the other time I was dead."

"An asteroid belt!" Thor howled.

"I forgot!" Loki repeated. "It's an old mining colony. There's plenty of food and water and air. I checked. I wanted her out of my way, not dead."

" _Years_!"

"I said I was sorry."

"No, you didn't!"

"She does not look happy," Heimdall said mildly. In a flash of Bifrost light from Stormbreaker Thor was gone. Minutes later he returned. With Sif. She laid eyes on Loki and immediately drew her sword and attacked.

"I'm sorry!" Loki yelped, dodging her attempt at decapitation. Thor hadn't been gone long enough to offer any kind of explanation. Loki wondered how long it had taken Sif to figure out exactly who exiled her.

"You deceitful cur!" Sif shrieked. "Vile wretch! Lying menace!"

Loki judged now not the best time to ask.

He ducked behind Thor. Thor stepped out of Sif's way as she lunged. "Do you know how many years I spent in that filthy decrepit place?" Sif yelled. " _Do you?_ "

He didn't actually. The duelling timelines in his head were more confusing than he wanted to admit. "I forgot!"

"Here's a reminder!" Sif swung. Loki dodged and she caught him in the face with a punch from her other hand. Loki stumbled and Sif punched him again.

Valkyrie had arrived at some point and was taking in the commotion. "I don't know who this is, but I like her already."

"This is my dear friend, Sif," Thor told her. "Sif! Stop beating up Loki and come meet Valkyrie."

To the surprise of none Sif was as delighted to meet the last surviving Valkyrie as Thor had been. Valkyrie, for her part, managed to dredge up more enthusiasm in meeting Sif than she ever had for either of Odin's sons.

None of them seemed to care Loki was lying on the ground. Loki didn't care either. He was enjoying the moment's peace.

Heimdall's face appeared overhead and obstructed Loki's view of the sky.

"You're in my sun," Loki snapped. Heimdall gave the overcast sky a dubious look before transferring said look upon Loki. "Oh, what?" Loki was in no more a mood to put up with Heimdall's disapproval while living than he had while dead. At least in Valhalla he'd been able to avoid the watchman. Not so much when the pair of them made it to Midgard alive.

Heimdall held out a hand. After staring at it longer than was polite (but not long enough to be considered rude, there was a difference) Loki let Heimdall pull him to his feet. Once upright, Heimdall gave Loki a pat on the shoulder before walking off. Leaving a confused Loki behind wondering what he meant by that. Which is probably why Heimdall did it. Typical.

"You sure have a way with people."

Just what else he needed. He eyed Valkyrie, noticing Thor and Sif were nowhere to be seen. "Alienate your new friend already?" he asked.

She looked infuriatingly amused. "Thor's going to help her get settled. Seems she's desperate for a hot bath and a change of clothes for some reason."

"Wonderful. As long as she's away from me."

Valkyrie's amusement ratcheted up. Loki felt a sense of foreboding. "Thor's so happy to have his old friend back he's giving her rooms in the palace. Guess you'll have a new housemate."

Loki was dumbstruck with horror. Sharing his home? With _Sif_? "Thor wouldn't," he said weakly.

Valkyrie was grinning from ear-to-ear. "Maybe he'll find her space down the hall from you. You don't need that whole floor to yourself, do you?" She trotted off before Loki could recover. "See you at the feast!"

"What?"

"Sif's welcome feast," she called back over her shoulder. "Thor's planning one. Can't wait!"

And she was gone. Off to inflict doom on some other unfortunate, no doubt.

"I left Valhalla and changed the timeline for this?" Loki shouted. There were none among the living near enough to hear him, but he imagined the Warriors Three were having a fine laugh at his expense. Loki stomped off for home before remembered who was taking up residence there and veered off in another direction. The winged horses might welcome his company.

*** * ***

Thor arrived later while Loki was sitting on the grass in the field where in another life he watched Thor train day after day under his benevolent tutelage. Loki was alone. The winged horses had not been particularly welcoming.

Thor gazed up at the sky full of horses. "Have any of them ever let you ride them?"

They had not. But Loki wasn't going to tell Thor that. He folded his arms across his chest and remained stubbornly silent.

Thor gave him a look that said he thought Loki was being childish. "You're being childish."

"Shut up."

"You're an idiot." Thor settled down on the grass beside Loki. "You should have told me about Sif years ago."

"I told you - "

" - you forgot," Thor finished. "Forgetting that you stranded one of my oldest friends is not something you simply forget. You forget where you left a cape. A pair of boots. You forget what you keep in your inter-dimensional pocket. Pockets." Thor paused. "Did you ever return the Reality Stone to the Collector?"

"I'm going to do it," Loki said, feeling snippy. "I've been very - "

" - busy. Yes, so you've said." Thor sighed. "But you're not supposed to forget people, Loki."

"I am sorry." He meant it.

"I know you are. And the thing of it is? By stranding Sif as you did you saved her life. If she'd been on Asgard when Hela arrived she'd have been killed along so many others. Thank you for saving my friend."

"You're not angry?"

"Oh, I am," Thor said quickly. "So is Sif. But it's anger tied up with gratitude. It's very confusing."

"At least it's something to distract you from the two sets of memories for the same time period," Loki pointed out.

"No, that's more confusing."

It really was. "How is Sif?"

"She's all right. Considering. She didn't know about Asgard."

"Oh." Loki couldn't imagine what that must be like. Coming back from exile only to find home, family, and most friends had all been swept away in your absence. He felt an odd sense of pity for Sif. It was a strange sensation. He didn't care for it.

"It's a lot to take in. But she's happy to be alive and finally free. And I think there are other people here she knows, not just us and Heimdall."

"I'm glad you have your friend back," Loki said. As much as he didn't like Sif, Thor adored her and Sif returned that adoration. Loki would simply have to resign himself to sharing his brother. As much as he was really bad at it. But he had not once set fire to any of Thor's councillors so Loki thought he'd gotten better at sharing in recent years.

"As am I," Thor said. "When she's settled I'm going to throw her a feast to welcome her home. And you're going to help me."

"Must I?"

"Yes," Thor said firmly. "You owe her."

"You just got through telling me I saved her life."

"And left her stranded for years when she could have been here rebuilding with us."

"Fine! A feast. She shall have the grandest one Asgard has ever seen." This Asgard, anyway. "As long as you promise to go easy on the ale."

"This is not a negotiation."

"It is now."

Thor frowned. "Is it not enough for you that you've turned near all the drink I've had since we returned from the past to vinegar?"

"No."

Thor swatted him upside the head. "Fine. But I will raise a toast to Sif with a fine ale. Which I will drink." Thor paused. "Unless you prefer to raise the toast."

Loki made a face. "I think not."

Thor smirked. "Then we're agreed. Come on, brother. We have a feast to plan." Thor got to his feet and dragged Loki along with him.

"Now? I'm busy," Loki complained.

"Terrorize the beasts another time." Thor tugged Loki until he fell into step with him. Behind them the winged horses judged it safe to descend and returned to their peaceful grazing.

"There's one thing I still don't understand about all this."

Loki raised his eyebrows. "Just one?"

"No, actually. Many things. But one that's been nagging at me."

"What?"

"Why did you choose as you did? To go back only far enough to stop Thanos? Why not Hela? Why not save Asgard first?"

Loki considered it. "Why not save myself that first fall into horror unimaginable? Why not stop us from the trip to Jotunheim that exposed a truth I will always resent? I could have saved Mother. I could have told Odin the truth from the start, or the very least kept him in Asgard. I could have done over a thousand things differently and found justification for each one. But would any of it have stopped Thanos as surely as this did?"

"I don't know. Maybe. You would have found a way, surely. I could have helped you."

Loki smiled softly. "I know. But would anything have stopped Hela? I considered it and was forced to conclude I did not know. If Odin died upon Asgard, she still would have arrived with the appetite of a slavering wolf. If I hadn't summoned the Bifrost when I did what would she have done to this world? Whatever course I chose might have made it worse. I found that fear guided me more than the temptation to take an axe to the branches of time and destiny."

"But..."

"Thor," Loki cut him off, "I did not come back to save Asgard. Or Mother. Or myself. I came to save _you_. In the end the choice of what I must do was clear." He spared Thor a glance and rolled his eyes. Thor's eyes were bright with unshed tears. "You will not hug me," Loki commanded. Thor, unsurprisingly, ignored him.

"I love you," Thor said close to Loki's ear, gripping him like a particularly clingy barnacle does a ship's hull. "I always have. I always will."

"Ugh," Loki replied. But if he hugged Thor back just as tight, neither of them mentioned it.

_end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, folks. Yes, I threw Endgame's time travel canon in the trash and did my own thing. But maybe their time travel theory would have worked out if Loki hadn't gotten involved and tossed a warehouse full of wrenches into the works. Who's to say? :D Thank you all for reading.


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